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How do I stop feeling so helpless?

I have 2 teenager daughters. One is 16 and one is 14. Both of my daughters are having trouble adapting to public school after going to a private school most of their school years. The oldest is having a rough time with all the sexuality in her school. The youngest is having a hard time dealing with the mean girls in her school. She won't open up to me and I don't kno how to get info from her. How do I comfort them? How do I make their troubles go away?

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fulton2nd

Asked by fulton2nd at 11:32 AM on Mar. 9, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (12)

  • Have you thought of home schooling? it is not that hard at this age, they can do everything on the internet. That might be better for your girls,
    gammie

    Answer by gammie at 11:38 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • As a mom of a 13 year old, I can tell you there is no way to make their pain go away. What you can do is make sure they know you are available to them. The 14 year old probably won't open up about a lot of details at least at first, especially if she is pushed. I would tend to disagree that homeschooling will fix the situation. The 16 year old will very soon be going to college she needs to know her own values, have boundaries that help her live those values and the support at home for those values.

    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 11:44 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Hi Gammie,
    They actually did homeschool for 2 years. The oldest one did very well with homeschooling. But she wanted to attend high school for the sports programs. The younger one did not do so well with the homeschooling. She homeschooled about 1 1/2 yrs and then we had to put her back in school. She just isn't as motivated and so it would cause ALOT of arguements. My husband and I are definitaly going to do something different next year and we have not ruled out homeschooling. I have 2 sons also that used to be at home, but with them in school all day it would make it alot easier to homeschool the girls who would be in 9th and 11th grade. Thank you for taking the time to answer my question. :)
    fulton2nd

    Answer by fulton2nd at 11:47 AM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Yes, teamquinn that is the only thing that is holding me back from marching in the schools and pulling them out right now. I don't want to give them the idea that its ok to run from their problems. These same problems can be found in job situations. I just want to find peace in whatever I deciede and not feel that I've screwed them up for life , yano?
    fulton2nd

    Answer by fulton2nd at 12:07 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I would keep them in the public school, unless things get really bad. This will help get them ready for college. Try to get them involved in sports and clubs, so that they have friends with the same interest. This will also keep them busy and away from the troubled kids. MY daughter is in 7th grade and I am so tempted to pull her out and put her in public school, but I can't afford it because I have a son goiing off to college next year. I keep her busy with a lot of dance and gymnastic classes, hoping she'll make cheerleading or the dance team when she gets in high school. My main goal is to keep her busy and away from the bad kids.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 12:30 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Hmm well you can try to spend quality time together like take them out to do something they like to do or try something new. I trhink they jus need more time to adjust and maybe you can try lettin them date so they can be more confident and maybe feel more comfortable.
    Native_Mommy253

    Answer by Native_Mommy253 at 1:46 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Native Mommy253 you said she should start letting them date????? Are you serious? Why the heck would she encourage that? So she can have worse problems. Once boys come into the picture things get even more difficult, no I say get them involved in school activities so that they can make friends and feel more confident that way.
    staceynoel

    Answer by staceynoel at 2:25 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • children have to learn to accept different situations, you cannot protect them from everything, but if they are at risk then maybe homeschooling is an option. Spending time with them and telling them you are there and care is important ... sure you do that already. I tell my girls that what matters is what they think about themselves is most important - not everyone else. Unfortunately, teenager girls, especially relie on what people think of them physically so, keep their confidence up maybe join a team sport, gym, find an interest they can own. Let them know they are important to you.
    korijo

    Answer by korijo at 4:38 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Unfortunately you can't make their problems go away and trust me you don't want to. If you do they'll resent you and never learn to take care of them selves. However let them know when there ready you'll listen and lend advise. The 16 yr old is going to have issues with sexuality at this age no matter where she is going. So she needs to understand sex. But DON"T EVER LIE. Tell her the truth and if she is considering it talk to her about protection. Nothing you do will stop it if she wants to she will. So your best bet is to make sure she understands it and is safe. Be supportive it's a hard time for any girl. As for the 14 yr old. Let her know nothing she can do will change the mean girls. Some girls are just that way. My guess cheer leaders that's who I had the hardest time with. However it will get better. In the end when the guys mature she meet a sweet boy. Those mean girls will either learn they screwed up or never be HAP
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 7:45 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I know it must be hard for them..

    I would say have a girls day out... Go to the stores to just look around... Get Lunch or maybe dinner with both of your girls..

    Ask questions along the way.. More than likely when girls are up and about and not sitting on a couch having question being asked they open up.

    While you all on the outing.. When one open up maybe the other one will open up too.

    Also, If you ask them a question try to reword of how you ask the question..

    Try the outing and see if your girls would open up.

    Keep trying your best.. Soon they will open up..

    Also, continue to let them know you is always there..

    Good luck
    Elizabeth1837

    Answer by Elizabeth1837 at 8:29 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

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