Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

If you were in my shoes...

okay so my Childs father has to pay me $400 a month child support. He has requested to know exactly what I have been putting it towards (little does he know its sitting in savings and hasn't been touched). so a couple of questions even if you are married and don't recieve support, if you were in my shoes what would you really spend the money on, and do I really have to tell him? He feels it should only go to diapers, toys, clothes, formula. I feel if I want to use it to pay the rent and utilities thats fine, what do you all think about it???

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Mar. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • As long as the money is being used to care for the child and not for your fun money , you can use it as you see fit (rent, food, clothes or fun things for the child) he has no control over that money once it is in your hands.

    Answer by BooBear666 at 2:12 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • It's for helping to support the child. I think it's wrong if you are spending it on yourself. But if you need help being able to pay rent or utilities, that's fine to use it. Your child is living in that home so it is going to your child just as much as it is to you. Some states do allow him to request that information and will require you to give it to him. However, it's hard to track that kind of thing especially if it goes straight into your bank account. You need to decide if it's really worth fighting over. Only you know how he is and what he does so you are the only person who knows if you should tell him the truth or what needs to be done. If you want, tell him it's going into your child's college fund or something. Just be careful, never put anything in writing or on a voicemail where he can use it against you!

    Answer by DDry at 2:13 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Use it on anything to help with the child. Weather its gas to take the child places, rent, utilities, what ever. Unless he has a court order I wouldn't tell him what I spend it on, tell him it's my business NOT YOURS! It sounds to me like he's just trying to keep control of you. I don't justify to anyone what I spend my support on, it's NONE of ANYONE'S business!!! I wish you luck!

    Answer by Alwaysacarnie at 2:13 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Its really none of his business because he owes it to you and you can do whatever you want with it. My babys father will be paying me child support and I'm not gonna tell him what I do witrh it but I would spend it on my daughter.

    Answer by Native_Mommy253 at 2:15 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • As long as the child has clean clothes and is fed and has a nice place to live and is getting good medical care, etc. I don't think he can ask for an itemized list. How on earth would you figure that anyway, you get the check and stick it in your pool of money and go about your business... you don't get separate receipts at the grocery store, or figure out what percentage of heat and hot water your child uses, its absurd. My DH pays his ex and the only thing we ask details on or receipts for is whatever she asks for that goes over and above the set child support amount.

    Answer by gramsmom at 2:16 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • hell no..its none of his business..tell him if $400 a month is not enough to raise a child..but heres a basic kid needs a place to stay mines $950/mo), food(3 meals a day plus snacks...each meal is at least $10), clothes(depends on where u shop & if kid wears diapers), toys(my kid requires at least one small toy a week), cable(kid needs entertainment, mines $54.99), gas(you need to take him to dr, sitters,park etc..its $3.15 a gallon here) and that should shut him up!

    Answer by RaulitosMommy at 2:16 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Look, you can use that money to buy bug spray for the yard if you want..... as long as you can reasonable articulate that you are spending it to better the child's welfare in some way then he is just SOL on trying to MAKE you account for every dime. Sounds like some cheap attempt to make you feel like he's in control. Don't fall for it.

    Answer by PaceMyself at 2:19 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Child support money is to go towards the child so that they can live similarly to if they were in a two-parent home (financially speaking). During the course of a month, a child will use your water (baths, drinking), your electricity (you turn the lights on so that he can see), your gas (you drive him places, to the doctor and expend the mileage on your car), your utilities (you wash his clothes don't you) and you also pay for his place to live (your rent). Diapers, formula and wipes are on top of that. Child support is meant to contribute to ALL of those things. Anythin extra that you have to pay as a result of raising a child, his child support is a contribution to those things. I always find it funny when men don't want to pay or want to pay less. When the child is living with you, you don't have the option of not paying for their food or water so why should the non-custodian parent get to get out of contibuting?

    Answer by NovemberLove at 2:30 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • lol..........My ex-husband who happens to be a police officer, demanded to know where his $$$$$ was going in a court proceeding one time involving my child. The judges answer, when your willing to tell your exwife your finances, i'll make her tell you hers.........BELIEVE me i havent heard a thing since...................YOU DO NOT HAVE TO TELL HIM anything.

    Answer by cashena at 2:32 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Child support is to reimburse you for half of the cost of living.

    The father's rarely consider the other things that mom's pay for. Like field trips, co-pays, when the kid accidently breaks something, extra things when they run out, gas in the car to take them and their friends places, birthday presents for friends at parties, medicine from the store, contributions to the classroom at school....

    I don't care how much a father has to pay in child support each month. The mother ALWAYS ends up giving and spending more if they child lives with her.

    Answer by NovemberLove at 2:33 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.