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Losing an infant.. How do you deal?

I went into labor when I was 16 weeks pregnant.. They did stop the labor and I had to give birth 3 weeks later, because I had gotten very sick, and my sons kidneys had shut down, and he had an infection. He wasn't going to live very long in the womb either. It will have been a month in 2 days.. I'm having a hard time dealing. I'm sad and upset .. and when I'm around people trying to be happy.. I am having some guilt issues.. Should I have eaten better? Should I have rested more? All the what if's are driving me crazy! Anyone gone through a similar thing.. and how did you deal with it?

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PeytonsMom21109

Asked by PeytonsMom21109 at 3:31 PM on Mar. 9, 2009 in Babies (0-12 months)

Level 4 (28 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • im so sorry about ur lost. i had a d&c done almost therr months ago i feel like i could have done more to keep my baby a life and i feel like its my fault. i know what ur going thr and if u need any one to talk to u can message me ok
    angel_megan

    Answer by angel_megan at 3:38 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I haven't lost a pregnancy that far along, but I have had many miscarriages. I am so sorry.... Please check out http://www.pregnancyloss.info/ There is alot of info on there that helps me still to read. And if you need to talk check out survivingmiscarriagetogether.info

    Unfortunately these things happen. It is not your fault, and if you ever need to talk please let me know, I will listen as long as you need me to, I know it can be hard to find someone to just listen sometimes. TIme will make things easier, but a piece of him will always live in your heart, and while it will never stop hurting it will get easier with time. There is no reason to pretend for othr people, it is hard for some people to try to be there for you if htey think you are fine, and your are putting energy you could be healing with trying to make other people feel better. If you feel it may help talk to someone profesionally, it can help wonders.
    AK_aries

    Answer by AK_aries at 3:39 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Oh hon, I'm so sorry. When I lost my last pregnancy, I was grateful that it happened so very early, so I didn't have to go through the kinds of things you've gone through. You need to keep on telling yourself that it was not your fault. Really. It was not your fault. Eating different foods or changing your activity level would not have prevented what happened. I deal with loss by finding some meaning in it, by finding a purpose. The loss of my child served a purpose in my life, it changed me and changed my life (for the better, I can now honestly say that), and therefore, in small increments, it changed the world for the better, too. That may sound silly, but it brings me a lot of comfort. The other thing is to just be gentle with yourself. You're going to hurt, and some days will be worse than others. But the good days will return, and get more and more frequent. Nurture yourself as you heal, hon. It wasn't your fault. Hugs.
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 3:49 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I'm sorry. I understand your son was born, you gave birth. I am so sorry. Some of my sister in laws had some different, miscarriages You didn't do any thing at all wrong. It happens some times for no known reason. Søme times some reasons are found out. Your doctor will guide you. Nurture yourself in different ways ways that help you in your time and in your time your way ask others and let others nurture you in ways that you want. One of my sistersinlaw I was able to be with shortly after her loss and I just sat there with her so she wouldn't be alone. Can someone be often with you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • 9 years ago this August, I went into preterm labor at 22 weeks and lost my son. I understand feeling guilty when you're not crying. The only thing I can tell you is, of course, it wasn't your fault. God needed another angel to fit for wings and he chose your little one. Only time will help make the days go by easier and help for the pain to become easier to live with. You need a while to grieve, so don't hold in your tears. This always made me feel better:

    May you find comfort in knowing, that they only thing your baby ever knew was love.

    If you need to talk, you can pm me. You're in my prayers. God bless you and your family.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 4:11 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

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