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Why doesn't our 7 yr old have any playmates?

My SD is in 1st grade and has friends at school. She has never been invited over anyones home for play-dates but she has asked us to invite them over here. We call the parents to arrange a play-date but after the 1st or 2nd time they either turn down the invitation or just don't call back. When SD asks her friends at school why they don't come over again they say they can't or they're not allowed. I don't understand because both my SO and I speak to the parents before and during and often the parents will stay while the children are playing and we never get any indication that they aren't pleased with how things have gone. Both of us stay home to supervise while the children are playing and there haven't been any 'incidents' that we are aware of. Any ideas what can be going on?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:53 PM on Mar. 9, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Well, I agree with Timelessglass's questions, those are things that I would look at in a playmate for my daughter, but your answers all correspond with what I would want to see/hear. The other thing is maybe things didn't "click" with you adults. I have had several playdates for or with my daughter, the kids got along well, and us moms had plenty of conversation, but we just didn't "click". Seriously, it shouldn't be about the moms, but at this age when you don't want to just drop your kid off, the moms have to feel comfortable with each other. There was nothing wrong with the moms that I didn't click with. There was nothing wrong with their homes, nothing. I liked talking to them and hopefully they liked talking to me, but......? It's not like they are calling me for another playdate either. Now the little girls that my daughter plays with regularly. I REALLY like their moms and would hang out with them w/out kids.
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 9:29 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Does your SD share well?
    Do you provide snacks?
    Is your house overly dirty or overly clean?
    Do you have any religious items on display?
    Do you keep conversation with the other parents on a neutral topic?
    If there are pets in the home,are they kept out of the way if bothersome?
    Are there any other siblings present during the play dates? Are their friends also over? Are they polite?
    Do you live in a safe area/home?

    Look into the questions above and consider how things look from the other parents' viewpoint.

    timelessglass

    Answer by timelessglass at 6:02 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • I agree with timelessglass. I also think, if those don't help you or you just still aren't sure, why not call up one of the parents and just be honest. "Sally said Mary can't come over anymore. We thought everything went well, and just wondered what happened. Is there something we've said or done that offended or bothered you? We'd like to make things right if we have." Maybe they'll be honest with you and you'll find out what the problem is, if there is one. Or it could be that they just aren't comfortable with going to other people's homes. Granted, it's more than one kid, but still...My kids don't go to a lot of playdates b/c they have ADHD and I'm terrified they will break stuff or make the other people's home a disaster, so I prefer to do it at my house where I have to clean up the mess and don't have to try to convince them to quit being polite and let me do it.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:29 PM on Mar. 9, 2009

  • Mine Too!! What's the deal? People are so freaked out - I don't know. No one on my street goes to anyone's house to play. Maybe most parents think 7 is too young to be at someone else's house. I have no idea. But I hate it. Talk about paranoid. I used to be all over the place even at 4 years old. Definitely at 7 years old. Times have changed is what people tell me.
    Lucky1963

    Answer by Lucky1963 at 12:53 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Does your SD share well? pretty well, but she has her moments
    Do you provide snacks? yes
    Is your house overly dirty or overly clean? it's clean
    Do you have any religious items on display? no, should we?
    Do you keep conversation with the other parents on a neutral topic? we talk about whatever the other parent wants to talk about, mostly kids
    If there are pets in the home,are they kept out of the way if bothersome? yes, we have 1 old dog that sleeps the entire time. the kids hardly come in contact with him.
    Are there any other siblings present during the play dates? Sometimes. Are their friends also over? No. Are they polite? A little wild, but we don't allow them to play together.
    Do you live in a safe area/home? Yes
    I can't figure it out. The only thing is maybe her friends don't like her older brother being around, he sometimes wants to play with them and we keep him away unless the girls say its okay.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • O.K. there might be something going on at school. Does your child attend the school in the neighborhood? It sounds like an odd question but with charter schools and magnet programs, private,etc it's possible that it's a distance issue. My girls are older now but we had this issue. My oldest goes to a magnet program that draws kids from all over the district and people just didn't want to drive that far. Try having a park play date. Have people meet at a park that is close to the school and see what happens. Talk to the teacher too, see if they have any insight about what is going on.

    teamquinn

    Answer by teamquinn at 2:34 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • ...I don't understand why "overly clean" would be an issue, but yeah, whatever.

    Maybe it's an income thing? Are you of lower or upper income than most of them? (I.E. They're snobs that look down on your modest home or paupers that think they don't fit in with your well-to-do home?) Petty thing, I know, but that's how it is with lots of people...

    Maybe your son has said some things to the girls that the parents didn't like?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:01 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Anyways, my advice is to keep trying!
    slw123

    Answer by slw123 at 9:30 AM on Mar. 11, 2009