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Looking for someone, how do I do it?

Long story short...My mom tells me that I have a brother she gave up for adoption before I was born. She wants to go look for him, but in a way that isn't to harsh (I guess is the right word). I guess she really just wants to put her info out there to see if he is looking for her. She was on drugs at the time, and is very ashamed, and not sure if he wants to be found or not. I would love to meet him, and she has given me permission to actively look for him. All I know is the hospital he was born at, his birthday, and what agency it was (which unfortunately, no longer exists) Is this possible to look for someone with only this info? How would I go back and find his records if the agency is no longer there? She knows a little about the family but not a name or anything. Any help at all would be appreciated! Is it common for adoptee's to shun their birth mothers if they ever get to meet them? This is her biggest fear.

 
AK_aries

Asked by AK_aries at 10:34 PM on Mar. 9, 2009 in Adoption

Level 6 (115 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • Free search angels! Also your mother (his birth mother) can request for non-id adoption records from the state which will give her at least the first names of the adoptive parents and their birth year. Then you will have something to pass on to the free search angels who have access to public records and directories.

    PM me if you wish for more info. I received my non-id information 1 week ago, passed it on to search angels and already have identified my grandparents, aunt & cousins, and my birth mother. Today I received her phone number and address as well.
    PortAngeles1969

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 8:01 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Hi. I helped my husband find his sister, who was placed for adoption when he was three. His mom was able to tell him the name of the agency, and we contacted them shortly before they closed. I'm not sure how you would know who to contact since the agency closed.

    My husband's mom did not want us to look for her because she was afraid that she would hate her for her decision. DH wanted to find her anyway, so we did. She was not angry with her birthmother at all, and had been praying that someone from her birthfamily would contact her. She did not want to cause problems, in case her birthmother's husband did not know. She was so happy to have made contact, and we think she is wonderful. She was so excited for us when we adopted both of our kids, and it's great that we have an aunt in the family who can talk with our kids and understand how it feels to be adopted. She has a good relationship w/ my MIL now.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:29 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • If the agency closed the records had to go somewhere. You can check with the state where the agency was. The agency I used is closed now. Some of the records are being help by that state (but some were transferred out of state to an affilated agency). Your mother could possible get her hospital records and that might yield some info as well (she would have to do that though; they won't just give them to you). Also you could try registering with the International Soundex Reunion Registry. If your brother has also registered they will match you & let you know. They have a website but info must be mailed in. http://www.plumsite.com/isrr/
    Also there is a group on here that may help: http://www.cafemom.com/group/adoption_reunion
    Good luck!
    lisa89j

    Answer by lisa89j at 2:30 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • You can also possibly go to the birth record department and check with the baby's born that day. Chances are they changed the name but you could contact the family's that had baby's born that day. Just tread carefully no matter what you do as this is a sensitive matter. Something else you might want to consider is something as simple as putting an ad in the local papers saying you are suching and give a few basic bits of information. I'd have a PO Box for this to reply to. You might get a bite from it.
    baconbits

    Answer by baconbits at 4:15 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Each state has a registry, where mothers and children (even fathers-but not siblings), can go and give as much contact information, and then a state worker will view matches, and connect both sides. It's a place to start. There are several adoption forums, and registry match places you can google also.

    At the very least, don't push him, and have a neutral place where you all can meet. Good luck!
    sizesmith

    Answer by sizesmith at 9:00 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I found my birth family 13 years after being adopted...it is possible as long as they are over 18 and I would be happy to help you look
    MrsThreadgill

    Answer by MrsThreadgill at 12:15 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Iwas adopted,my birth mother found me.Theres not much you can do it is up to your mom to go to the courthouse in the county he was born and she has to fill out a release form that its ok for him to contact her and he also can do the same,if he knows that or wants to, I dont know. As far as his name,birthday and hospital, the people who adopted him may have changed all that.My name was changed but luckly they kept my birthday the same.My mom kept me till I was 18 months old befor her dad forcefully made her put me up for adoption[out of hate], I was put up for adoption in 1968 and my mom found me in 1992,this wont be easy for either of you but if she really wants to do this I give you good luck,,,you have a long road to travel.. I will help you out as much as I can.My story is amazing and long.Heres a facy: your sons info from D.H.S is in the state capital basement in a box,put away like he never existed.Thats where mine is.
    momindistress08

    Answer by momindistress08 at 1:19 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I haven't heard many cases at all of birthmother's being "shunned" by their former children.

    I would not expect some perfect family reunion. Personally, if I found out I were adopted by a woman I would fee ambivilance as she wouldn't be my mother or even have had a history with me tha tI could have remembered in any way shape or form. This could be just anyone off the street you just share some DNA. If you want to go that route we're all related, adam and eve etc.

    I might add my experience with adoption is limited to some grandparents and friends.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 2:06 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

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