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Who is wrong?

Ok-- so here it is-- I am 21. My fiance is 32. Im a night owl. He is the exact opposite. I am open minded. He is the exact opposite. I am laid back. He is the exact opposite. I could go on forever...but the issue tonight is me being up late.
Sometimes I stay up after he goes to bed. He works out of home...and is always HERE, I am a stay at home mom, and sometimes after baby is in bed, I enjoy writing. Its my outlet. I write my best when I can concentrate on the point Im trying to write about, so I do it when he goes to bed. The next day he will have an awful attitude with me, telling me how unhappy he is with me, and that its weird that I like to stay up sometimes. Its weird because its something he wouldnt do. He is controlling and possessive and high maintanence and spoiled and wants me to be just like him. But I accept and love all the ways hes different from me. Why isnt he. Its like anything Im doing is the wrong thing.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:33 AM on Mar. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (17)
  • "He is controlling and possessive and high maintanence and spoiled"

    Those are danger words. HIGH danger words.

    No, you are NOT wrong. Heck, I haven'gt gone to bed at the same time as hubby almost since we were married. I can't sleep if I do!

    But that's neither here nor there. Controlling is a bad bad bad bad thing. BAD.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:53 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • You know your relationship better than anyone but i remember when my DH used to stay up very late watching movies and i was alone in bed. It used to get me angry because I thought to myself that it's time that we could be spending together. Maybe he is upset because of that?
    fairymom2316

    Answer by fairymom2316 at 2:54 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Hmm they say opposites attract, but too many differences can destroy a relationship. I see red flags going up . I have the very same differences with my dh that you do with your fiance. Do you see yourself with him in 10 years, when you are 31, and he is 42? You will be very different people when you reach those ages. I am not saying it won't work out, but you need to work through these problems or they will become more magnified and get worse if you don't get some solutions.Yry telling him how you feel and see how willing he is to compromise with you. I think that might be your first step.
    Aprilmorgans

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 2:56 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • We do talk about it. So ok, before I met him I spent so much time with my grandparents. Now I live 15 minutes away from them and rarely see them. If I have to many activities during the week, the fiance gets real pissy and difficult with me. And its obvious its because he doesnt want me off running around that much. Im telling you, when I first caught on i started paying close attention. On weeks I dont leave much, no problems...on weeks I do, even if its spending time with family, or a doc apt, or something along those lines, he gets almost like jealous or something. And has this attitude when I return home. And he will point out the things I COULD'VE been doing. And how I never do anything....and thats not me. Hes so demanding and hard to please. If I never left the house and centered my world solely around him and our daughter of course, hed be the happiest guy in the world. I dunno, I find that weird. Am I crazy?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:06 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Um, he sounds like he is VERY insecure and wants to keep you in the house so you don't run off or something.
    I would be concerned and would be evaluating my relationship, that doesn't sound healthy at all!
    fairymom2316

    Answer by fairymom2316 at 3:09 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Hes VERY insecure. But has no reason to be. I am loyal to him,and dont want anyone but him. He has just been pushing me away for so l ong for so many different reasons. And when we talk about it, it erupts into a fight, I have to yell over him, and he just tells me how awful I am, and that I am being unfair because I am never wrong. But thats just it, I am not perfect, and If Im wrong I;d admit it....he just says shit to say it...but he really beleives that he is right, and that the way he behaves is perfectly normal, while my behavior is in the wrong and immature. He has an opinion about everything. And is always pissed when I tell him of plans, but when he springs on me that hes gona have dinner and drinks with his dad (or friend for that matter) I dont thnk twice about it, i dont bitch, and Im not in the least upset...I smile and say "ok babe, have fun!" .
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:15 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • He is now demanding we see a counselor. Which I am open to, but Im nervous because even when hes talking to me about me and the way I am , he misconstrues EVERYTHINg and twists it into something it totally is not. And he does make me sound bad....but what he says is never the truth. And what he fails to see is the reason why I am the way I am, is not the person I am , its how I am to him because he makes me hate him. He has just been pushing me away for so long now that I dont give a shit. I try to keep the peace, but man, you bet ya that hes there that second I have a relapse of some sort and do something that he doesnt like. He says I never clean. I constantly am cleaning- I clean a clean house day in and day out. And u can ask anyone that knws us. Hes at home so he is ALWAYS THERE. and he critiques EVERYTHING I do, my whole entire day. I should be or shouldnt be doing this n that. Hes just so overwhelming in every way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:21 AM on Mar. 10, 2009


  • it sounds like you spend too much time together. A counselor is a good idea. From listening to the both of you he/she can get a good idea of what is really going on, and help you both to clearly see each other's vewpoint, which is a good start.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I don't believe that this is a matter of right and wrong. It's a matter of being different and not being willing to accept those differences. This is a bad match!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:49 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • You answered your own question. Read it again and slowly.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:12 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

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