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I never wanted to be a mom....

I married the man of my dreams and I never wanted to have children I have never been good with kids. I got pregnant and my husband and I talked about it and he wanted a child so much that I thought "ok once I have the baby it will change" Well my daughter is 2 and I yet sometimes I still feel like this is something I never wanted and I feel like I am terrible at it. I have no patience with my daughter and SOMETIMES I just want to run. In general I really do want to be a good mom. I want her to be happy and people tell me that once she gets a little older and gets out of the terrible two phase that it will change and I will feel different. I just feel so lost and alone and I don't know what to do. When I try to talk to my husband about it he gets really upset and feels like I am the worst person in the world. I am so depressed and frustrated and I don't know what to do. Please don't bash. I feel terrible and wanted advice. thx

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:40 AM on Mar. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • It's a tricky situation to be in. One of my closest friends had exactly the same problem. She felt terrible yet irritated constantly because she felt like she wasn't a good mother to her daughter. But it passed once her little girl got older, so don't worry too much.
    Try doing some things that are fun for both you and your daughter. Maybe a trip to the zoo, making a painting together, gardening. Maybe if you are feeling really awful it might be helpful for you to talk to somebody about your feelings or seek some advice from a professional? The only thing I could suggest is to have some really nice, calm one-on-one time with your daughter. Something that doesn't stress you out but that holds her attention. Something for you both to bond over. Good luck!

    Answer by Zezette at 3:48 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • i say get some one to watch her, while you go and pamper yourself once inawhile, take a break, if you don't work? ask yourself? if she was taken away from you? how would you feel, to never see her again? and all the things that annoyed you. at the time, would be something you missed?, and could never get back, no matter how hard you tried, you may need some anti depression meds, blues last longer in some women, goodluck to you and your daughter, from a mom who is missing hers so much

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:58 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • " I have no patience with my daughter and SOMETIMES I just want to run."

    In other words, you're human? **smile**

    The only bad mom is the one who beats her baby.

    ALL of us feel this way, some more so than others. It's OK. Make sure you get some time away on your own.

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:19 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I never wanted children either, and I often feel I have to try at least twice as hard for my son to get over the guilt. One thing I have learned here on Cafemom is that even woman who wanted children all there lives sometimes get overwhelmed and want to run away. my son is only 7 months now, I have no idea what I will feel like when he hit the terrible two's. I hope I can make it threw it

    Answer by Amelora at 4:30 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

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    Answer by CafeMom Admin at 4:46 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I was 31 when I accidentally got pregnant. It was something I thought would never happen to me. When I was little I always said I wanted lots of kids, but when I hit my 30's I just decided that it wasn't meant to be, so when I did get pregnant, I was very excited. I really took to it and everything was great, but as my son got older, I found myself not loving it as much as I did when he was little. It wasn't the terrible 2's that got me, it was like he just didn't need me as much, even though he really did. Then I found out about some medical problems I have and that it was a result of what I was going through myself and not him. I'm not half them mom I want to be and I'm so sure I'm screwing it up, but you just have to get over that and do the best you can. It might help to talk to a therapist. I did and it helped me a lot. The only really bad mom's are the one's who are beating their children. Talking about it helps!


    Answer by brwneyedgirl314 at 5:09 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Even if being a mom was your dream come true, it's not easy not by a long shot. You probably go though the same things that die-hard moms go through. It's bad at times for all of us. Try your best. Your there for your kid and that's what important. There are mothers in this world that actuallly do up and leave. Good LUck!

    Answer by Rachel24517 at 8:53 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • You know, all I ever wanted to do was get pregnant. I never cared about weddings or marriage. When I was little I would play house and either wanted to be the baby or be the mommy so I could play with the baby. I baby sat every chance I got! Now I have a great little monster who is almost two. She's my life. And you know what? There are times when I want nothing to do with her. She screams and cries and just wants me to hold her. ANd after a long day at work all I want is some me time. Just a break now and then. I still love her. I want to spend time with her. But sometimes, I just need a break too. Don't feel bad. It's hard having children. It's a 24/7 job whether you are home with them or not. The fact that you are concerned, means you are a great mom who really does care about your child. Hang in there!

    Answer by ferdo0204 at 9:18 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I think this is just a matter of changing your perspective. How we look at certain issues in our life is key to how we deal with them. I think your focused primarily on YOU and how YOU feel about her. I also think this might be more about fear of failure than anything. You feel inadequate and unworthy. Thats a lie and youre believing it. You are not unworthy at all. God gave this child to YOU to love and nurture. Not only can you do it, but you can probably do it well and much better than you think. I used to be one of those people that thought if I couldn't do something perfect, then I wouldn't do it at all. So, that basically kept me out of lots of things, simply because theres no such thing as perfection. Begin pouring yourself and what you have to offer into this child. Remember she will be what you raise her to be. Don't see the negative in that...theres a lot of positive. She has the potential to be anything! Good luck.

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:39 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Maybe seek professional help. I'm not in any way saying you're mentally ill, so please don't take it that way. But anti-depressants might help. Good luck to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:11 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

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