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He is wonderful, BUT....

My SO is the best, he works full time for a CO. and then Full time for himself. He pays the bills while I sit at home woth our 5 week old son. He just bought me a tahoe last spring and we are bulding a house this spring... We by no means have tons of money, but he saves, and I spend. I feel like I spend it faster than he makes it sometimes... We are living with his parents while we build. And he is great, I just feel like I am taking advantage (sp). He says he loves me and that a man shoudl take care of the love of his life and his babys mommy, but I still feel errrrr about it... I cant work right now due to our sons age and I have always worked and taken care of myself even in H.S... Am I wrong to feel this way, or should I feel lucky?? I love him and dont want him to think I am using him....

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:21 AM on Mar. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (8)
  • I think you should feel blessed. Men like that are few and far between in this world now. But if you feel that you need to contribute financially, maybe there are things you can do until your son is older. You could watch other children or maybe even just one other child during the day for money. You could clean houses in the evening after your husband is home and can watch the baby. You could go work in a daycare with your baby so you can still be together. Either way, you need to talk about this and work it out so you can both be happy.

    Answer by DDry at 10:26 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I'm sure your taking responsibility and helping his parents while you're home with baby.. Just keep that up, that in itself is great t hanks. Men love women who love the man's family!! Just a thought, could you be feeling guilty because of not being married and living with his family and him doing the work? Would you feel less guilty if you were married? You are being a responsibile contributing adult to society still now, your job location has shifted from out of home to home for your beautiful baby with added responsibility of tending with care to his parents and their home while SO works for you and baby!!! Don't put yourself down mommy, baby raising is hard work. Remember to some how get time for you to relax not only SO!!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:28 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • To avoid this feeling, do all you can to do your share of the family care. I can see that it is tricky when you are living in his parents' home, you don't want to step on toes or seem pushy. As long as you are doing your share there, not expecting to be waited on, cleaning up after yourself and your SO and baby, and as long as you have worked out with his parents what is a fair share of the household work for you to do, then you are doing the best you can right now. Perhaps you should explain to him that you are doing all that you can in his parents' house and that when you are in your own house you will: (list here the chores that you will be taking over.)

    Answer by Bmat at 10:30 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Men love to be depended upon. Relax and enjoy your time with your son. When he is older you can return to work if it's your desire. Right now you have the most important job in the world, being a mom!

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:47 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Sister, my DH hasn't let me work since we found out I was pg. I feel much the same way you do, but then again, he's put me in charge of making sure the bills get paid and finances get handled. I consider what I do with them to be good for us, and I do everything I can to make wise choices. DH has a great income, one that even if I had a full time job and made 4-500 a week wouldn't make much of a difference. (Don't get me wrong, that could be BIG savings)

    I was staying with his parents too, and kept up the kitchen, 2 of the 4 bathrooms, and our suite in the west wing of the house. (4500sq ft home... HUGE!) I felt that when I dusted or vaccuumed through the rest of the house that I was really helping out, in which I got many compliments.

    DH even decided that while he's at this job, my job will be to stay home and raise baby. So I make and sell crafts on the side. Christmas was a fun one, & I'm looking forward to Easter!

    Answer by matobe at 11:23 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Just keep up the honest and respectful nature of your stay at your IL's, and let DH take care of you and DS. There may come a day when he no longer has the option to do that for you, and it will press on his concious tremendously.

    Before DH got this job, he was in school full time. I was the one that worked. It killed him (didn't bother me at all) knowing that it was my work that brought home the groceries because he was at class all day. So he graduated, got this job, and wants me to sit tight a while. Do the same. Enjoy that time with baby, KNOW that you can help any time if he needs you to, but let him be the breadwinner for a while. He'll thank you for it!

    Answer by matobe at 11:26 AM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I'm living with my IL right while we get back on our feet. I know how it feels sometimes. I help around the house & am taking care of Caleb.
    But i do know how you feel. its hard not to feel that way sometimes

    Answer by ColtsFan1912 at 12:42 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • Maybe it is guilt that you are feeling. You are not contributing to the relationship financially and is spending his money perhaps unwisely. Perhaps placing yourself on a set allowance will minimize the guilt. In essence you will be getting paid for the work you do in the home.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 3:52 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

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