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SD who is unbearable. She's stays downstairs untiil food is ready, comes up eats, no words, goes back downstairs. I don't know what she does. Sleeps. She wants to go to Dis Wrld and told her dad she needed X amount of $s He was going to pay for some & did &then found out that her DM had said NO. He's going to let her go. I'm livid! I only found out about this two days ago. He knew a two months ago. He just found out her dishonesty. I found out today and am giving hell. PLEASE

She wants to go to Dis Wrld and told her dad she needed X amount of $s He was going to pay for some & did &then found out that her DM had said NO. He's going to let her go. I'm livid! I only found out about this two days ago. He knew a two months ago. He just found out her dishonesty. I found out today and am giving hell. PLEASE HELP!

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traveling2

Asked by traveling2 at 11:19 PM on Mar. 10, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (18)
  • its not ur kid stay out of it and mind ur business..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • I get an anonymous answer saying "it's none of ur business", How can you say that Ms. Anonymous? It IS my business! I take care of every little whim she needs when she's with us. This young girl needs to "not lead men by the nose". "Honesty is the best policy" I believe. I would have no problem if she would have stated the true facts. In this case, I believe that her BM is right! She took her there last year. Why should she have to pay for her to go back? We just got back from a trip up north that SD had fun on.

    I think that it's my husband that has to communicate better and then his daughter will communicate better. On SD behalf, she is going through some turmoil because a divorce that the BM thinks that I broke up. Which I didn't. She had kicked him out of the house. I met him MONTHS! later and he told me he had a wife and children in another county. I thought he still lived with them.
    traveling2

    Answer by traveling2 at 11:57 PM on Mar. 10, 2009

  • i hate when ppl said that. i had a person say that to me about a question about my dh and his son and childsupport. ugh
    as for your sd. teens are dishonest you just have to ask other people around to validate
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Anon #1 is ignorant and naieve of the financial, emotional, and day to day roll that many stepPARENTS and stepMOTHERS do - parenting and mothering. Don't use us for all of that and expect us to have no SAY in how a child is raised unless you expect us to do NONE of the raising.

    If you guys share finances this is a decision he CAN NOT make alone. Period. She wants to go agains he needs to EARN the money. Period. I would seriously separate finances if DH did this to me.

    If you guys have separate finances then its his decision to do with HIS money (as long as he keeps up with his protion of the bills at home)

    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 1:48 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • On a side note you guys have marriage issues if he's not being at least honest that he decided this, he hid it for 2 months. I'd seek therapy because this is a recipe for disaster.
    Praying

    Answer by Praying at 1:49 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • I hate to play devil's advocate, but I can see where the (albeit rude) anonymous commenter is coming from. I've been on both sides of the coin - I grew up with a stepmom and became a stepmom. In THIS situation your role in this really depends on what your relationship is like with your SD on a regular basis.

    If you're describing her as 'unbearable' I'm guessing things aren't always sunny so it may be best to just bite your tongue on this one. One things teenagers are good for is BLAMING other people for their bad behavior and attitude, and although you may have the best intentions it may back fire and then you have resentment issues and you're fighting with your husband and the list goes on and on.

    This is not to say that you're not just as much a parent in this situation; I'm just saying choose your battles wisely.
    Candy423521

    Answer by Candy423521 at 9:32 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • I thank you all for your comments. I have to say that my husband and I have a wonderful relationship 95% of the time. I love him very much and i love my SD. She, a few months ago, was so kind and loving. I know it's her age. It just seems like nothing I do makes her happy or pulls her out of her funk. She just wants to be "left alone". Well, thats hard when she's in the middle of the living room sulking and thats where everyone else is. It brings Me down! I can't help it. I'm a very happy, fun loving person and I should be able to just ignore it. I just can't seem to. I CARE that she's feeling down.

    I have nothing against her BM other than she says things about me that are not true! She has blasted me before, there's no talking to her, she just SCREAMS and you cant get a word in edge wise. I fear that BM must be saying negative things about me and my poor SD doesn't know where to turn. Just a theory.
    traveling2

    Answer by traveling2 at 11:28 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Oh Goody another my STEP kid is Satan post
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • so how can she be unbearable if she's always hiding out? doesn't she have a right to feel however she feels? or should she put on an act to avoid bringing you down? that's a little selfish of you. my mother did the same thing to me and it made me WORSE. stop trying to "pull her out of her funk". Maybe if she feels accepted and has her feelings validated by you (instead of having you try to change her) she'll start to feel better. maybe you should just leave her alone a little.
    laadeedah

    Answer by laadeedah at 4:09 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • If the financial and emotional toll of this person in your life is too much, maybe you should have waited until someone without kids came along and wanted to marry you. When you get into a relationship and marry someone who has children, you accept their family and that set of challenges along with the person. I can't understand for the life of me why so many women marry a guy with kids then act like they are being victimized by the kids whose life they CHOSE to be involved with. She didn't choose you and probably isn't thrilled having you around either, but you made the choice to be there and are now making the choice to bitch about her. She's the one I feel bad for. If she's that unbearable maybe you can do better than a guy with so much baggage?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

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