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To my SAHM's can u relate?

Me and SO just had a huge fight... we have been having this same fight for a lonnnng time now... he says I don't appreciate him b/c he works and PAYS THE BILLS... but to me thats all he does. He works, comes home, wants food if not then he is SOOO TIRED everyday that he has to go to bed almost as soon as he walks thru the door. He says that his job is stressful and physical at times...he is a child care worker for troubled kids... ok ur job is not easy...however I stay home and apprently do nothing... the clothes wash themselves, so do the dishes, oh and floor automatically cleans it self after a spill, and toys walk to the toy box when I say clean up.. the tub and toilet rinse themselves after showers oh and my favorite... I take out what I'm cooking and place it on the stove and the stove cooks it for me... ok thats housework now I have a 15 month dd.. who loves to follow me everywhere I go... who loves attention and CAN

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:02 AM on Mar. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • It sounds like you both need to figure out how to express gratitude AND respect for what you both do to keep your house going. Its so important on both sides. Have you tried to sit down and each of you make a list of what you would like the other to take care of, and also what you are grateful of...that might be a good start for you.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:06 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • I'm sorry. I'm on his side. He's not going to work, coming home and watching TV, playing video games and going out with the guys, while you are stuck at home. He's working (very hard apparently) and then coming home and going to bed. Do you just have one child? I know I'll get bashed for this, but I don't think that staying home with one child and keeping up the house is equivalent to a full time job. Now if you have several young children, that's one thing. My house may not always be perfect, but I work part time, and take my daughter to therapy three times a week, and I still don't think I do nearly as much as my hubby does. He still shouldn't lord it over you, but I don't think your jobs are the same.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 2:07 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • I can relate. I know its hard for my DH but its hard for me too...his job ends when he clocks out...mine is 24 hours a day 7 days a week. I wish I could sleep after 8 hours, but i cant...thats what being a parent is, and that is how it works. When you are home you are a parent whether you just got off work or not!!!
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 2:08 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Definately his side. He is busting his butt to earn money to pay for the things that you are doing. Staying at home being one. I know you think its tough and blah blah blah.. but there are women who raise children, do all you do, plus work full time themselves. Those are the women who can complain, not you. Sorry, you had better change your way of thinking before he puts your butt out the door to find a real job!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • You guys need to discuss it and find a balance.

    You are both important and neither one of you should be claiming they have the "harder" job. That just causes arguments and resentment.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • play alone in spurts which is how I work...housework then play then housework then play...now amongst all of this I have to inform u that we just recently moved in about 5 months ago and there are things that still have to be put away. So I try and ask SO to help but all I get is all u want to do is clean clean clean... I'm more focused on my mop and rag then on him... ok to some extent that might be true I'm willing to accept that but am I supposed to do it alone b/c I stay home... so am I supposed to put up picture frames by myself? Our apt now is much smaller than the last so am I supposed to find a place for everything we have by myself, when some things are his? also there are things I don't know if he wants to keep so b/c he doesn't help me I'm supposed to throw it out?now finances, we have alot of debt and I am willing to make a budget, I get a look like I'm crazy? Like he has never heard of someone doing that...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:15 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • No you're jobs AREN'T the same....but you both work hard at what you do. He shouldn't be making you feel inferior to him. Me and my husband have had this fight also. It's like he doesn't appreciate that I have to take care of the kids and the house all day. At least he gets OUT of the house. And he gets paid for what he does. What do we get? More dishes and laundry and spills to clean up. I guess...talk to him. We talked and it seemed to help a lot. Make a list and show him exactly what you do on an EVERYDAY basis...not just on weekdays.
    Kaytlynsmommy

    Answer by Kaytlynsmommy at 2:16 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • and to anon I agree with u there are women who do what I do and work full time... but they are mostly likely single parents,,, if I were a single parent I think at this point would run smoother. my dd is on a schedule and she knows pretty much how we run.. as far everything else I would only have to pick up after myself.. I would have way less laundry to do and my house would be cleaner b/c it would be just be and her... she is but so big and children only make as much mess as u let them.. I do let my child play and have things all over but since I am home I monitor her closely... all the doors to rooms she shouldn't be in are closed and her play area is baby proof.. so does that mean that since he works and pays the rent he doesnt have to do the after dinner dishes, or if he puts on laundry ALSO hang it t o dry and not take it out and leave it there or jsut leave it in the washer for days?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • toriandgrace yes he does come home and watch tv if he is not soooo tired....and he would come home and play games but he is so damn lazy that half his games are still in bins and he won't even look for them so hence he comes home and goes to sleep or tv or online... or he will sleep for a while then wake up now when I am tired, I have not had a nap to refresh myself, and then expect sex... while he was sleeping I was cleaning dishes, laundry, giving baby bath and bedtime routine...so am I supposed to bend over and give it to him b/c he pays the bills are u serious?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:30 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • You really think that all of the women who work full time are single moms? What about your gyno? Teachers and Professors? Think about all of the young professional women you see all the time in your day to day life? Many women choose to have a life and career outside the home, and they still take care of all of those things at home too. Sure, I think the guy should help some more if you're both working full time. I've stayed at home with my 36 month old for about the last 9 months (I just started back to work) because we moved across the country a couple times during those 9 months (military) so I couldn't really work. I played puzzles, went to the park, went swimming, and still had more than enough time to clean the house and cook, all while my husband was working 14 hour days at nuke school. I sure as hell didn't ask him to do the dishes when he got home. I'm just saying, he's exhausted and asleep, and you're on Cafemom.
    toriandgrace

    Answer by toriandgrace at 2:32 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

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