Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

I'm not sure what to do...

I'm 34 wks preg. My fiance pretty much stoped talking to me for no reason. I asked him about it last night and he said he was just fustrated about work. Up until this morning he would still give me kisses and say I love you before he left for work. Well, not today, he said see you later. No kiss, no I love you. I'm getting really worried. Everytime I try to give him a hug or anything he like backs away from me or almost gets annoyed by it. I have no idea what's bugging him and when I ask he says "work" or "Everytime we talk it goes through one ear and out the other". I don't know what else to do. I don't want to bring a baby into this atmosphere, and I don't want to raise a child in it either. He's already told me (way before this) that if something ever happened between us that we didn't want to be together that he would never leave he'd just stay and be miserable.

Any suggestions ladies?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:07 AM on Mar. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Is this his first child? Maybe he's terrified of being a father for the first time. A lot of men get that way while their mate is pregnant. Just tell him that you know something is bothering him. Tell him if he wants to talk about it, you are there to listen. Don't push him. He will talk to you when he is ready.
    nowhinning

    Answer by nowhinning at 10:11 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • First Child? Prob scared or just now sinking in. He will come out of it when he sees that little face. :) GB
    dawn440

    Answer by dawn440 at 10:14 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Yes, this is his first child... (The first for both of us) I tried to talk to him last night. I told him "you know if you ever need/want to talk about anything I'm always here" and he said "When ever we talk it goes in one ear and out the other" and then all the sudden this morning he's acting REALLY out of the ordinary.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Maybe you being in pregnat might be taking a toll on him too. Not that he is not happy but maybe he is stressing himself out by thinking too much on provider for you and him and now the baby.

    Don't take it personal he is just feeling stressed out give him some space and I am sure he will be fine. But the Kiss and I love you part that should never stop he is taking it way to far. You can ask him about it have a short sweet straight to the point conversation and let him know you still want those hugs and kisses and I love you's if he is going to act this way. For some reason when a woman is pregnant and does not have any symtoms the partner tends to have them somehow. I know my dh did and I had a smooth pregnancy I loved it (twice) Let the man feel what we go through...LOL Hang in there!
    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 10:15 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • There's always a chance that it really could just be work. I know my husband went through this a couple of months ago. He was really stressed out about work and in his effort not to bring it home and take it out on me he just kind of clammed up. It sounds a lot like what your fiance is doing. He may also just be a bit jittery about the impending role of fatherhood. If you are really into the baby he may not feel comfortable talking to you about it. He may not want to upset you or he may not feel you'd understand his concerns. I know it's hard to do, especially at this late point in your pregnancy, but my recommendation is to just give him a little space. Don't force him to talk about it right now. He'll work it out and when he does life will get back to normal. If things still haven't settled down a month from now see if he'd be willing to see a marriage counselor. It would give you both a chance to voice your concerns.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 10:15 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • unless hes willing to talk to you about whats wrong, you cant be expected to fix whats wrong or try to fix whats wrong. That is wrong of him to push all that on you as well. I think he loves you, but i think the responsibility of having a family may be setting in on him. Hes not ready to bail, but he is feeling the responsibility of it & maybe scared. Guys dont say they get scared, they say they are stressed. As women, its an automatic family/baby acceptance, but its different for guys...that means= no matter what..your stuck! Guys dont always accept it as easily as we women do. As far as solving the problem...im not sure what to suggest to you...you gotta figure out whats bothering him & why he doesnt want to tell you. It may not have anything to do with you or the situation, it maybe that hes afraid you may see him a lesser man if he admits he is scared & having second thoughts...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:19 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Quoting Anonymous, all women do NOT accept a new baby. I didn't. My husband did. I was the one that was scared and uncomfortable. Not him.

    Are you guys having sex? Not trying to be a perv, but with our first child, my husband wouldn't have sex with me when I was preg. He wouldn't tell me why, but I finally found out when I was about 8 months along. He was afraid of hurting the baby. (which we know isn't really possible unless you're violent) So what I'm trying to say is...maybe there IS something bothering him and he's ashamed or uncomfortable telling you.

    I wish you good luck and hope things get better.
    Kaytlynsmommy

    Answer by Kaytlynsmommy at 10:40 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • No we're not... He made a comment the other day about how no one gets to play with him anymore (cuz i made a joke about after he pees he shakes it more than twice so he's playing with it). I know when I first started getting streach marks I cried, and he told me everything was fine and that i would be pretty no matter what and how he thinks pregnant women are sexy (being totally honest). So I don't think that's what it is... And I told him that having sex doesnt hurt me as long as im on top (sorry if that's TMI)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • He could be telling you the truth. The economy is rough out there and there's a lot of people losing their jobs. Work probably IS stressing him out. Why don't you ask him to elaborate on what it is, specifically, about work that's bothering him?
    goddessmonica

    Answer by goddessmonica at 10:53 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • I think more action and less talk would get through to him better at this time. If I were you, I would be climbing on top of him a lot!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Mar. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.