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How do I be a step mom?

I am in a very good relationship and we are talking about futher plans to come. I can't at this point have kids and we both accept it. He has a 2 year old daughter and she is a hand full. I want to learn where the boundries are and how do I approuch them. She screams at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way. I bought him a book on becoming a better dad and he is making some changes in what he has been doing but I feel like i could be doing better too. I am not sure on where to step in and take charge and where to let him deal with it on his own. Some times he gets over whelmed on how she behaves and if it is a good day...our day is good but if it is a bad day with her....he doesn't know how to let it go and enjoy the rest of the day.

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Asked by prestepmom8 at 6:24 PM on Mar. 11, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

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Answers (6)
  • Is she will you, her mom or both? If she is with both you need to sit with your SO and his DDs mom so you can all talk and come up with a plan. If your not all on board it will never work, the rules have to be the same at both houses or she will be confused. I would talk to them both and see where THEY are comfortable with you stepping in. As step mom you have rights with the child as well.

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 6:28 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • I am a step mom to three kids. The older two live with us full time, the youngest we share custody. Hubby and I dated in NY for two months, while he was training when it was time for him to leave and go back to his kids in fort campbell, he went without me to breif the kids on me. I joined them two weeks later. And we've been together for 5 years now. I steped into the mom role without reservations or hesitation. When I had first moved in and felt that they were getting away with to much back talk, arguing, bickering I stepped in and stoped it. The youngest was 4 at the time and she was by far the worse. she would have a fit at bedtime and he would coudle her, I interupted one night and said no this is grown up time and it's time for bed. took her from her daddy tucked her in bed said good night and it was the last issue we ever had. i dont think of myself as stepmom, I am mom, i'm the one with them 24/7 .

    Answer by Vanessannd at 6:37 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • I have been a stepmom for 12 yrs now. It's hard. I don't agree with the same rules at each house. Each house is different. If the dad,you and biomom have good communication great then work it that way. We tried to have the same rules, it didn't work. I have learned to pick your battles. He needs to as well. A 2 yr old is continually learning, and she doesn't understand the difficult situtation. BE CONSISTANT.. I have learned that I give the children choices and let them choose. Granted she is 2 so that maybe hard. There are some great stepmom books.

    Answer by kbear6972 at 6:37 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Just curious you said that she screams when she does not get her way, what does he do to stop her? My son he's 22 months old and throws himself on the floor having fits when he's not getting his way, we've been picking him up and putting him in the corner, or on his naughty chair (yes like super nanny does we had to try something) well it was working until two days ago now he'll go to the corner or chair but when his two minutes is up he's been taking us by the hand and telling us to sit :-(

    Answer by Vanessannd at 6:42 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • The book "I'm Two Years Old" has some GREAT insight. It's written from the child's point of view and it can really, really help to see things through her eyes. Everytime I pick it up, I end up going "Of course!"


    Answer by kaycee14 at 6:47 PM on Mar. 11, 2009

  • Along with the suggestions everyone else has mentioned one peice of advice I can offer is not to try to "act like a mother."

    I have a stepmom and that approach just won't work.

    Answer by madamekatekate at 11:55 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

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