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step kids

ok i have a braty 12 year old stp kd she anly comes around when she wants something her mom has got her to do this and tells constint lies on me both of them how do i handle this my hubby gose to get her and he gets told all kinds of things we have been together 11 years and he still questions me about this crap dose he have a right or not it makes me feel like he is sideing with the exhoe did i forget to mention the concieved a child on a one night stand ,,, and she still trys to get him to belive her flirts with him all the time , i feel he is second guessing me is this right ??? do you think she is trying to split us up ??? she tells the kids they were married and i split them up and they will get back together ........help what do i do with him second guessing me should i trust him with her does this mean he still cares for her

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:07 AM on Mar. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (4)
  • First off, this child is 12 years old and she is believing her mother, the woman who raised her. 12 year olds are experts at pretending they are grown up, but they aren't. Yes she needs to be held accountable for her actions and words, but stop putting the blame on the CHILD who is stuck in the middle of this.

    You need to sit down with your husband and have a long talk about the ex. Tell him that the fact that he even entertains these lies is making you feel that he doesn't trust you, and that you need to be united in making the ex stop and in showing your step daughter that you are not the bad person her mom has painted you to be. Get to know her, become her friend. Not only will this be good for her, it will be the best revenge on the ex. Let her know that even though you and her mom don't see eye to eye, you care about her and you want her to be happy.

    Yes, I'm a step mom of teenage girls. They are #1 priority.
    SamanthaAgain

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 12:23 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Your step daughter cannot...CANNOT...be blamed for her mother's behavior. Children will always side with one parent, generally the one they spend more time with or the one they are closest to. If that means hurting another parent, so be it. In my case, SS sides with me, even against his mother, which I kind of hate, and DD sides with Daddy. Take her out to a movie, or shopping, or a girls day. Show you aren't a hateful woman and that you really do care about her. Explain that while you and her mother may not be friends, that doesn't change the fact that you adore her and you adore her father. Then tell your husband everything you are feeling about the whole situation. Explain that you feel shunted aside and you feel disregarded. Tell him you aren't really cruel and that none of this information he is getting from BM about you is accurate. Getting SD to at least tolerate you will be the bitterest medicine for BM
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 12:48 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • im a sm and agree with both women.
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 8:12 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • i do try to get her to go with me she wont ... and if she does she gose back and says im mean to her i have always tried to make her feel welcome i talk to her more than her dad
    kileys

    Answer by kileys at 4:11 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

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