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How long would you accept the "It's work" excuse?

My husband has been hangin out at the bar, using "It's work" excuse and yet; he does not get any money out of it. He's a karaoke host once a week and gets $40(if he doesn't drink it away that night).

PLUS, there is another woman who does it as well. This is a woman who'll call our home a 9 pm one night ask him to come out with her and MAYBE finish the night of "working" if she gets too drunk to finish it herself. I've seen the way they both act when I'm around and when I am not around. Two very different attitudes and he claims he's not the cheating type and would NEVER cheat on me. Tells me I am being ridiculous, immature and unreasonable that it is all in my head. One night we were out and she was at the bar we normally go. I went to smoke and looked into the window to see them chatting up a storm, being all close and laughing and joking....cont...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 AM on Mar. 12, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • Wow, this relationship would make me very uncomfortable. And him trying to diminish your feelings would make me worry even more. I think it's suspicious that he's trying to say it's just you being immature (always make the SO think it's THEIR problem mentality). I say you have to trust your instincts, I know that every time I go against my gut instinct I regret it. I would just show up at their next show, stand in the background and see what happens. I hope it's not what you think.

    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 11:10 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • You've already been accepting it too long.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:14 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Cont......

    When I come walking in a up close to them, they pull apart and she'll start talking to her other friend and he'll look at me and say, "Hi!" and then turn away talk to our other friend. I've talked to her in person a couple of times with out my husband around and she acted sooo nervous and could not stop fidgeting. I guess, I'm only venting. I'm sorry, I don't have anyone to call or talk to about this. I think I'm being extremly paranoid sometimes; and then I think, should I trust my instinct?? I mean, I have been cheated on before. So, what should I be thinking? Should I trust myself or keep talking myself out of what I'm feeling is happening?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I would do what hes doing. find a male friend like his so called girl friend. she how he likes it. Make sure you do the same thing he does when your around and when your not around. basically two can play that game. He will get so wrapped up in what your doing that he will ruin whatever kind of relationship he has with her....... Or you could just one day leave his as. leave a note saying that you arent going to be second best in this relationship when all you've done is put him first. and add I don't have prove of you cheating you may or may not have, but if you havent already you would have. so Im saving myself the trouble. IM LEAVING YOU! simple as that.
    soonmommyof3

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 2:32 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I would lean towards cheating but I wouldn't be sure about it. Being so uncomfortable with it should be enough though. You should be able to say I don't want you socializing with this woman in any way anymore and he should respect that. Your relationship should come before a relationship with a friend. If he doesnt want to let her go, then you should go.


     


    I would also stop by the bar unannounced and unexpected after more than a couple drinks have been downed.

    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:34 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • i would call a PI
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 2:36 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • If you have any friends from work or somewhere that he has never seen, now would be a good time for them to play spy.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:36 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • If you really wanna know get a PI. Some men won't admit cheating even when they have been caught red handed. If he is cheating, ask yourself what are you going to do about it? Be honest with yourself.

    I would not recomend bluffing, as this could backfire...
    ericadrian

    Answer by ericadrian at 3:23 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • If you have no proof then you can't really accuse. It takes hard evidence to get a man to admit they are cheating. I'll be honest, I cheated on my ex husband for a year and I didn't admit it until we were no longer together for a year. He even confronted the other man (my current husband) and he admitted the affair. I would strongly suggest seeking marriage counseling because there are obvious problems with trust and communication if you are asking this on CM.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:59 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Your instincts are telling you that this is not appropriate....it is dangerously close to something if it isn't already. He is walking the line, at least! I don't think it is about confrontation, or proof but the real question is whether or not he is committed to your relaitonship! If this is bothering you and he is continuing to do it that is an issue in itself.
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 9:32 AM on Mar. 12, 2009