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please help me decide what to do

My husband and I just had our first son Christmas Eve. During my pregnancy, life could not have been sweeter. After the birth is anothe story. We fight all the time. Last week it got physical and I had to take my son and leave for a few days. Prior to that, he got in touch with one of his exes and had her call his cell phone so he could "talk". He has a myspace page but I am not allowed to see it. I think he is cheating but I have no way to prove it. He watches porn every chance he gets and then expects me to get him off. I am sure he no longer thinks of me during sex.I love him more than I can ever express and he says the same about me . We are in marriage counseling (first appt was today) but I don't think it is going to help. I want him in my life and I don't want my son to grow up without a father. Please, what should I do? I have gone as far as buying the movie Fireproof and watching it with him. Nothing has changed. Help

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Asked by mrsclt at 4:52 AM on Mar. 12, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (5)
  • This is not a fair question to ask others about, noone is there with you, none of us know's what's going on in your mind even if you tell us, the choice is up to you, you sound like you are on the right track with counceling and maybe they can help, but you can't expect a bunch of strangers to give you the right answer.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I think there is more to it on his end. I hope the counseling will work for you and if not then try another counseler. He has issues and you need to figure out what they really are and try to fix them. If that doesnt work then maybe you have to let go. It means something that you got him to go to counseling.

    Answer by 3luvbugs at 8:45 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • You have a new baby who needs a daddy, so I think you have to do everything that you can do to save your marriage. You can't know if counseling is going to work after only one session. Granted, no amount of counseling can change a man's character, but it might make him want to change. The fights can stop, because it takes two people to fight. It's impossible for one person to fight by himself, so refuse to fight with him about any of this. You have no power to change him, but you can be changed yourself, if you so choose. As for the porn, you can't stop him from watching that either, but you can refuse to allow yourself to be used by him. If he continues to show signs of violence, separate yourself and the baby from him. Tell him you want the marriage to work, but he has to get help to overcome the porn and the violence before he can come back. Get a copy of LOVE MUST BE TOUGH by Dr. James Dobson. It will help you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:49 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • You have to make this decision on your own. However, if it were me divorce papers would have been filed the minute it got physical.


    Answer by Navymama at 10:23 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Sorry but i disagree, a father can be in his childs life without being married to you, if there is nothing to save, let it go. Whats going to the child more? having a wonderful mom who can take care of him the right way bc she is in her right mind? or a child who sees his parents fight all the time and the mom getting abused? seriously lets be real.
    And for the record, love doesnt hurt, REAL love doesnt hurt

    Answer by camtri3 at 9:30 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

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