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What would be the best way to deal with my twelve year old daughter receiving gifts from boys?

She just started middle school this year and I know it is normal to like boys at this age, but I don't agree with her having a boyfriend at this age. I believe she does and I want her to trust me in telling me about things like this without accusing or making her feel she can't tell me the truth.

 
ahandfuloffun

Asked by ahandfuloffun at 6:18 AM on Mar. 12, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (5)
  • It would depend on what the gifts were. If it's a pencil, that would be okay. It's it's something personal, then I would have her give it back. I would also explain to her that dating is for the selection of a marriage partner. Since she is no where close to being old enough to marry, she is therefore much too young to be "dating." I think sometimes children just think it's what they are supposed to do. The reason they think that is because they have not been taught that it isn't.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 9:58 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • its the same here. my dd age 11 is the same way. but i sat down and talked to her and she knows she can talk to me. now at this age it dosent last long. (: " hes a jerk he winked at so and so " lol. so dont be surprised if 2 weeks from now she says she dosent like him. just let her know your there for her and the 2 of you can talk. as for the gift i think its ok as long as its just lil things. i also let my dd know there were no dates no going to the movies and things. that will come later in life. good luck because it can be a challenge. *hugs to u*
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 7:42 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • tell her gifts from boys are not allowed, she's too young to be in a relationship where boys give gifts because they mostly think they'll get sex in return. She needs to be on a curfew mom. She's already looking at gifts. Is this a one time gift so far from one boy so far or are multiple boys giving her gifts? Why do you think she needs them any way? The gifts put a price on the relationship, the gifts don't nurture the needed friendship between her and a special boy. Do you think she should be in a relationship with a boy, boys or have friendships that some day when she knows what self respect is to then have a quasi-romantic relationship for what ever she is at that point?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:09 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • anon. 1009. i would surely hope that this 12 yr. old boy is not giving her gifts for sex in return. 12 seems young even for boys. i mean i know the world is changing but goodness.

    my SS will be 5 on monday and since he started preschool last august he has been wanting to get flowers and draw pictures and dress up for different girls. he doesnt even like to admit he likes the girl, but would say he wanted to go get flowers for her. its because he knows that sometimes he, his sister, and his daddy will go get a flower or sometihng for me. so he recognizes the gesture as nice & thinks the girl will like it.

    i know its more complicated as they get older, but as long as you keep your relationship with your daughter open, you will know just how complicated the relationship really is. dont scold her for the relationship. let her know exactly what you mean by not having a boyfriend....and explain things like others say
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:15 AM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Thanks so much for the imput. I just want to say that the gitfs were two teddy bears. One last year from one boy and one this year from another. Last year's didn't worry me because I found out she wasn't the only girl who received a bear from this boy. But I started to worry this time because it's a different boy and she tells me all the time how her friends are allowed to have boyfriends(obviously hinting). I do feel better because after reading the answers I received I feel good about sticking to my no boyfriend yet rule, i know to keep the lines of communication and trust open for her, to pay attentjion to what she is receiving , and am better able to explain what dating is actually about and for. thank you all.
    ahandfuloffun

    Answer by ahandfuloffun at 2:23 PM on Mar. 12, 2009