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how do i get over my own insecurities? HELP!!!!!!

i left my ex husband a year and a half ago...long story short..he cheated he lied....he used drugs...i took the kids and left....i have now been seeing a guy...for 6 months now....i did nto date anyone for almost a year after i left my ex...the guy i am currently seeing is wonderfull....he really is...but i cant seem to get past my own insecureties....i keep thinkng he is going to leave me or cheat on me....or w/e....i do talk to him..and he rensures me that he is not going anywhere..and i believe him i really do...but then a few days later my mind starts turning again...and i start thinking he is going to leave me or cheat on me....i know this is jsut left over crap form my ex husband...how do i get over this b4 it ruins my relationship with a wonderfull guy?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Mar. 12, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I've been there too, and it's hard when all you have known is lies, cheating and deceit. It's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.....to let go of all that pent up jealousy and insecurities. It really just takes time. This new guy already knows that you have these issues, so he knows what he is getting himself into. He will have to find some much needed patience for you!!! He can't just expect that it will change overnight. Even though he " isn't that guy" he is still a guy. As unfair as that may seem. Once you get with someone that isn't giving you those " red flags" you will begin to let your guard down a little. After a long while of no incidents, you will begin to trust again and maybe you will be able to let that wall down and all those jealous tendencies. Once you do let it go, then your life will be so much better, cause really when all is said and done, we drive ourselves crazier than we have to. good luck!
    foofoomommy

    Answer by foofoomommy at 2:32 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Make a list - a verifiable, actual list of all the great things about this guy. Make a list of his shortcomings as well (nobody's perfect).

    When your mind starts racing - read the lists.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 1:08 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Honestly honey, time is the ONLY thing that will help you. I was single for two and a half years after my last realtionship, I took the time I needed for myself and my children to really get to know who I was again. I am now blissfully happy and married to my soul mate. For the first time EVER, I trust him 100% all the time. I just needed that time alone with my children to figure everything out. Good luck honey.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:11 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • My husband cheated on me for five months when I was pregnant with our second son....and was also a compulsive liar. I totally understand where you are coming from, and it is hard to trust again. But you are in a new relationship, and just because your husband was a bastard does not mean your new guy is. You can not punish yourself or your new man for something your ex did. Start fresh
    MaMa2_DJ_IJ

    Answer by MaMa2_DJ_IJ at 1:23 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • everything was going so good with my new man...he is a great guy...an absolute sweetheart...and adores the kids....but it seems the longer we are together..the more insecure i get...it should be the opposite...i know it is fear of getting hurt...and i feel like i have started to push him away and i soooo do not want to do that...i sat down and talked to him one day....i had seen him checking out other girl...(it is natural everyone does it) i told him i got a little jealous and maybe aven a little mad...but i didnt know why....he said he was sorry.. i told him y..cuz he didnt really do anything wrong...what is a glance...it is nothing...and then he said oookkk....let me tell u something... "i think u think i am going to do u the same as ur husband...he said im not that guy"...when he said it..it hit the nail on the head..and i started to cry..when i realized what i had been doing...i jsut dont know how to stop it..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • you have to believe in yourself and figure a way to convince yourself you are worthy of having a good man. Find confidence and the ability to say "I have value. I am worth having". Once you attain that then you will not doubt. He sees beyond your insecurities and believes in you when you don't believe in yourself. What a good man he is. Just relax and accept and enjoy. Let him spend the rest of his life proving to you what he loves about you.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 1:40 PM on Mar. 12, 2009