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Cold feet or should I really worry?

Over the last couple days I've started to feel unsure about getting married. Our date is September 26th and I'm not stressed about the planning so that's not it. I'm concerned about our different religions, he's Christian, both of his parents are Pastors and I'm merely spiritual. I'm taking classes on the old and new testaments to learn about it because he asked me to at least look into it. I don't think I'll be able to honestly commit to his religion and while he says he's okay with it and I believe him, I'm afraid that down the road when we have kids it could be a problem. Also I'm not sure if I'm ready for to be with only one person forever. I love him and would never cheat on him but I'm worried I might regret it. I still find myself being attracted to other men and I have thoughts about being with other men. I also have a baby boy my fiance is attached to and acts as a father to which complicates things. Is this normal?

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tcross

Asked by tcross at 1:38 PM on Mar. 12, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (19)
  • You are not at all ready. You should talk to him and cancel your engagement. Maybe thats not what you want to hear, but this is not a decsion to make when you have so many doubts.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 1:41 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • There's more but I ran out of room. I have to guiltily admit that part of the reason I agreed to marry him is because I'm really struggling to go to school and raise my son and he said he'll support us so I can go to school full time and get my degree quickly knowing my son is taken care of. I've really struggled raising him by myself because I don't get child support and I've had to live with my mom a lot which is stressful. He really is an amazing guy and I know he'll treat me right and I really do love him and want to make him happy but I feel like I'm being a little selfish in my reasoning to marry him. I'm also scared because I was married to my son's father and he seemed just as sweet before we got married and in our first month of marriage he suddenly became very abusive and controlling. I can't bear going through that again. I need possitive advice on what I should do in this situation. I feel like its bigger than me.
    tcross

    Answer by tcross at 1:43 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Yeah you sound totally not ready...You should be in love with your soon to be husband.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 1:44 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I am in love with him I said that. I have no doubts about that.
    tcross

    Answer by tcross at 1:47 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I think you need to listen to yourself. You sound completely unsure about this marriage. Listen to what you've said. You shouldn't walk down the aisle with this many concerns and baggage. How would you feel if he were saying all of this about how he feels about you?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:48 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • My wedding isn't for 6 months and while I know I'm unsure about it, is it entirely wise to just call off the engagement? That seems rather drastic to me. I would think that it would be better for me to try and find resolve for my fears first. I am not looking for people to tell me to call off my engagement. I said I've only had fears for a couple days, that doesn't seem like cause to do something that would hurt the man I love so suddenly. I'd talk to him about my feelings before I did that. I'm not the kind of person to bail at the first sign of weakness. I'm looking for actual advice on how I might be able to work on my fears. If anyone has advice like that I'd love to hear it. If I jumped ship as soon as things got scary I'd never have a happy marriage.
    tcross

    Answer by tcross at 1:56 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Do not marry him...regardless of the religion differences, if you're still attracted to other men, then getting married will not change it...thinking that you could not be with one person for the rest of your life, seals the deal...
    mom2mybabes

    Answer by mom2mybabes at 1:56 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • So you guys never think other men are attractive after you get married? Honestly?
    tcross

    Answer by tcross at 1:58 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • No you did not say you are in love with him..you said you love him..
    Just by your post you have doubts..if you have doubts now, I would not walk down no isle..
    Ask people who are divorced like myself...you have red flags..serious red flags..
    you should never ignore those!!
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 2:05 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I don't see the huge difference between saying I'm in love with him and that I love him. I feel that its the same thing. I can understand why other people see that differently but I think the wording is over analyzed. I'm just going to talk to him today. Red flags don't mean jump ship they mean there's a problem that needs addressed. I'm not surprised divorce rates are so high, I mention I have doubts or a problem and all I get is "don't get married" "cancel the engagement". I see no reason why these problems can't be discussed and resolved, I was just looking for support and advice on how I could overcome these fears. I'm just going to talk to my fiance and my pastor. If this is supposed to be a network of mom's supporting each other then why do the answers to all my questions always end up being give up? Marriage is a scary step, all I needed was someone to listen and help me figure out what is causing these fears.
    tcross

    Answer by tcross at 2:15 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

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