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Will you stay with your DH if he couldn't help financially?

I have a friend whose DH makes a very low income and so she pays all of the household bills (mortgage, util., etc) and he just covers things like gas for both cars, a little spending money, and that's really it. Well their situation is so bad now that she is thinking of selling the house that she has put her life savings into just so she can walk away with some cash in hand. Meanwhile they have 3 girls to care for also.

There are reasons for the limit on his income because of his background, so there's really no chance of him having a huge salary increase and she's a teacher.

My question is this: if it comes down to her having to sell the house to survive, should she let him come along or should she leave him?

Also know that he has been knowing about the situation for the past couple of years and has done nothing to improve the situation such as get a PT job.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Mar. 12, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • I would think that she married him KNOWING his background.

    How can you stop loving someone even if the can't make more money?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • What's the difference between them and any other one-income family?

    I would think they are saving a certain amount of money because they only need one car, he is able to cook so no eating out, and he is the childcare as well.

    If they are struggling, he needs to get a job just as if the situations were reversed.

    It's not the "making more money" issue to me - it's the "is one spouse freeloading off another"?

    If he's doing everything around the house so all she has to do is work, that's great. But there's still a bottom line, finances wise. Cut the budget to the bone and then at some point you've got to start adding money back IN.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 2:11 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • No, he's not handling everything at home. He does work from 6:30-2:30 so my thing is that he can get almost a whole 2nd FT job and so I guess I look at him as a freeloader. They are not saving any money, they have barely no spending money outside of necessities. They only do fun things when she charges and that's also how she shops for the clothes and sometimes groceries. She had been working a 2nd job teaching an after-school program and that is how they have been surviving. But now the state has cut funds and programs back so it has ended.

    I just wonder if I'm being biased by thinking of him as a freeloader so when she asks my opinion I don't know what to say.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:17 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I would say they need to cut back & stop using charge cards. Go to a free credit counseling agency in their area. They are a big help. Check with the BBB for a legit one. Also check with their local employment agency for help finding p/t jobs. Is he working 5 days a week? Because that would be 1 f/t job already. Maybe one of them could work p/t during the week and the other on the weekends? That way there would be someone there for the kids.
    bookworm65

    Answer by bookworm65 at 2:46 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I'm in a similar situation. I just separated from my SO because it seemed like he wasn't doing enough to help with the bills. It's not that he can't find a better job, he just isn't looking. I'm tired of taking all the responsibility. Yes, he's a big help around the house and in the bedroom, but all that doesn't pay the bills. I still love him and we'll probably get back together . this is hurting him more than me, but he needs to man up!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

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