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A friend of mine talks about the other behind her back and is so nice and helpful to her face. What to do?

I have known these two women since about 1st grade. Tamara talks so badly about Chanel and her dh but is her best friend to her face. She calls me and says how she cant believe Chanel is having another baby with her dh when he doesnt help out. Says she calls 4x daily and gets annoying and how her dh is really ugly. I just change the subject of hang up (later saying my cell died). I am getting annoyed. I dont want to make trouble by telling Chanel whats going on but i feel guilty that i havent stood up for her. Should I just continue ignoring her or say something, how, what? I have a gut feeling that she's been talking about me and my family as wel, that doesnt bother me so much though. what would you do. Keeping in mind that I dont want to have bad feelings at Chanels baby shower or other outings.


Asked by YoungandExcited at 3:38 PM on Mar. 12, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (11)
  • You need to tell her to stop, that you are friends with her & you don't care to hear it. Tell her to HER face that she is fake & is on the road to lose both of you. She will learn her lesson eventually. She seems jealous for some reason, can you think of a reason why? Some people enjoy cutting off other's heads so that they can seem taller. I would tell her to stop, & i would let her know that it bothers me.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:46 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I'd say the chances that she's talking behind your back too are about 100%. Not someone I'd be friends with.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Just be up front with and tell her how you feel about it and that you value both of their friendships but you don't want to be the middle man anymore. She will understand and respect your wishes if she values your friendship as well.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I would tell your gossiping friend that she is wrong to talk about her friend like that. And that if she wants to gossip she shouldn't call you. Period. When she starts saying things remind her to change the subject or call someone else.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 3:43 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • You need to tell your friend that if she can't say anything nice about your friend, to go somewhere else. If she keeps it up, call her out on it and tell her she is being a two faced B!tch and you are sick of it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • If she is talking about other people, she is probably talking about you. I would just be honest with her and tell her that while she is entitled to her opinion, you want her to keep it to herself. It isn't right what she is saying or doing and if she wants to continue to do this, it will be without you. You need to either get over it get rid of her as a friend. But that's just my opinion.

    Answer by DDry at 3:52 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I think you should stay out of playing hall monitor. don't talk about either one to the opposite. if you can't do that then do other things, it looks like your efforts are not helping and making things worse. they're grown women and can decide themselves how to act. treat others like you want to be treated. would you want others gossiping about your business?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:54 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I cut ties with a friend because she was talking dirt about another mutual friend. I realized then that she was using me to gather gossip to talk dirt about me. Make sense?
    If a person is 2 faced to one person they are 2 faced with others as well.

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 4:09 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • she could be trying ot get in between you two...she could be "playing" both of you. I wouldn't trust her.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 4:48 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I would tell her that it makes you feel badly to hear this kind of talk and so you don't want to hear any more of it. Tell her that both of them are your friends, and you wouldn't entertain gossip about her and you are no longer going to entertain it about the other one either. Tell her if she can't stop, then you will hang up the phone or walk away from the conversation.

    Answer by NannyB. at 5:04 PM on Mar. 12, 2009