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Kind of a TMI question..

I just found evidence that my husband has been masturabting again. It makes me so upset because he won't even have sex with me, but he'll masturbate in the shower. I'm not overweight, I'm not a board in bed. Why doesn't he just try to have sex with me? I save myself for when we can have sex.and I have to beg him for sex usually and he almost always says no. This is so upseting. What is so wrong with me for him to not want to have sex anymore. We used to do it 3-4 times a day before I got pregant with our baby. She's 18 months now. So I'm not pregnant to make it clear. He says I look better than ever cuz i was too skinny before.I'm very open to things and I even do butt play with him, and pretend to like it, because he does. I try so hard.Should I fight with him when I see he has masturbated (he left out the toy)? I've already told him I don't like him doing it if he's not having sex with me.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on Mar. 12, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I do see where you're going, but honestly its none of that.. He even said it was beautiful thing. and it didn't gross him out at all.. we've even made jokes about an elvis movie where he says he's never been able to make love to a woman whos had a child, and i didn't breastfeed, he's in love with my breasts. I was thinking maybe its cuz he doesn't want me to get pregnant. but when we do have sex he's fine with cumming inside of me.. so Its not that either. and i DID tell him he better step up or someone else might and he just cried and didn't have sex with me for two weeks!! it didn't work :( i'm so sad..

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:40 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • does he ever give you a reason as to why he won't have sex with you? if it makes you feel any'd piss me off just the same!! have you tried using his toy on him...maybe you could start with that and then move on to sex??? good luck! i hope it works out for you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:37 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Does sex with you feel different/ not so good for him since you gave birth, or have you had any hint that his feelings for you changed? Many men will masturbate still if they're having sex.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:49 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Why are you jealous of his hand? Would you rather it be another woman?

    Answer by halfpint_ny at 6:54 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I don't think it's jealous of the hand so much as why she isn't getting any too.


    Answer by isabellalecour at 7:13 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I would be jealous of the hand too. That really sucks tho. My BF goes through these "porn and masturbation" periods and it drives me completely crazy. I mean I feel like whats wrong with what I got. We fight about this issue constantly. Good luck to you, know that you are NOT alone.

    Answer by wendydeb7 at 7:35 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I do kegals, I doubt it feels different.. When we have sex he actually cums rather quickly. We usually do at the same time. And I used to do anal for him, we have dildos and strap ons for him. But we don't even have sex often enough to use them, once a month maybe. And I want to make love when we're having sex so little. I'm not jealous, I'm just mad that he would want that instead of me. I don't enjoy masturating over having sex with my husband. I want physical contact and lack of sex really hurts our relationship. He says he doesn't feel good enough to have sex, or hes not turned on at that time, so why when he IS turned on does he waste it by doing it himself?

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:41 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • LOL!! What is SO wrong with masterbating?? I do it a few times a week. Has NOTHING to do with not loving my partner or respecting our relationship. I need that extra "pizazz" now and then. At least he's doing it in the shower and not out screwing around on you.


    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I don't think you are understanding what I am saying people.. the ones that want to say shit about me being jealous, I AM NOT JEALOUS! I just want to fuck my husband! and NOT cheat on him.. I need sex, I'm a grown woman.. I never said I don't want him to masturbate, I just want him to fuck me a little bit in between his masturbating session! SHEESH BACK AT YOU!

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:51 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • I can understand your frustration- my husband isn't big on sex in general- and certainly would never allow toys (sooo unadventerous- but also against anal so I win too) but due to our contrasting schedules while I'm in school if I weren't around to satisfy him he would take care of himself. It did bother me a lil just because I too wanted that closeness, but I understood why he did it. I think if you worked to turn him on rather than talking about it or asking him for it you might have better luck. That's what I do when I want mine.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:54 PM on Mar. 12, 2009