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Any other stepmoms out there that can help me make sense of my drama?

My husband and his ex are in a very messy custody battle and the final hearing for who gets custody is on Monday, my stepson has been living with us for the last six months and wants desperatley to go back to his moms. They are both good parents however my husband isnt home during the week due to his work schedule. Personally I think my stepson should be with his mom during the week and come see us on however many weekends as feasible, well my husband is being stubborn and not taking into account his sons feelings or mine (I know that his sons feeling are more important in this matter than my own). Im so drained and overwhelmed with this whole thing and the three days left of this hanging over my head are torturing me. I have no one to talk to about this as my husband cant for the life of him see my point of view on the situation. Where is my stepson going to end up? Has anyone else been through this? Please help!

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Asked by patemchris at 8:32 PM on Mar. 12, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • at this point, I would just roll with the punches. depending on how old the son is depends on how much what he wants factors in. If your husband is not home AT ALL during the week they will probably take that into account. But I can't say for sure. Just sit back, relax, and accept whatever happens and make the best of the situation. Don't even bother arguing it or even discussing it anymore

    Answer by ZaTa at 8:42 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Where your step son ends up depends on so many different factors. His age being one of the biggest. Most states allow children over the age of 12 to choose who they would like to live with... maybe i shouldn't say choose, the judge takes there choice into consideration before making final judgement. Does your stepson want to live with his birth mother becuase his dad is gone so much? Does he feel like he's a burden on you? I have three step kids, two oldest from hubbys first live with us, the youngest from his 2nd we share custody. my stepson had wanted to move with his bm, but the judge said no, being that even if we paid her a butt load of CS she still couldnt afford him on a full time basis... he was sad at first bc he really missed her. we just started trying extra hard to make it easier for him to see her on the weekends and he's since changed his mind, and now wants to stay with us full time.

    Answer by Vanessannd at 8:59 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Also you might want to have a sit down with your husband, you mentioned you rather have him only on the weekends, I hate to say this, but if that is what the court decides to do, be prepared for your hubby to be pissed at you. He might blame you saying it's your fault that his son doesn't want to live with you, just be carefull about how the two of you haddle the outcome. Your hubby might also want to keep his son to avoid paying cs. not saying that is how he thinks, just saying it could be a factor...

    Answer by Vanessannd at 9:04 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Maybe he can tell the judge. Most judges like for the real mom to have them. Ask him what he wants to do and tell him he will have to speak up and tell the judge when he is there what he wants to do. If the judge ask you about it, tell him that you would love to have him with yall since you are so alone during the week when he is gone! I don't know the judge needs to know somehow that he is gone all week! Tell the ex behind his back the situation, form a relationship with her and in the long run it will be better for the child. Unless she is a sorry person and he would be better off. Kids don't know whats good for them sometimes.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:12 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • Let the son go if he comes back he is yours! like a butterfly!Free him, or he will resent it. Maybe never talk to you all again!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:42 PM on Mar. 12, 2009

  • not trying to say anything hurtful, but it sounds like your husband is being extremely selfish and not even caring what he is putting his child or you through. it sounds like it's more of a power battle for him to win than it is anything else being that you are the one there with the son all of the time. (and that's just going by what you have said and no other details) There aren't enough details given to really even begin to give a guess on who will get the son. Usually the court sides with the mother unless she is deemed unfit.

    Answer by igot2 at 12:08 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I agree in thinking that your husband is selfish. If the mom is a good mother why wouldn't he want his son to be with her?? That is his mother. Especially since your husband is not home during the week at all for work....I think it's best that you get him every weekend. I think this is more of a power struggle for him and not about the child. Why make the baby miserable and you miserable?? AND he should take your feelings into consideration due to the fact that he's not here during the week to help you take care of your step son. I personally don't think it's fair. I think that considering all of the circumstances the judge may award custody to the mom anyway.

    Answer by NJMom2Tyler at 9:01 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

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