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would i be wrong for stopping unhealthy visitation from my daughters father who doesn;t pay child support (6k behind0 , isn't the best role model, but loves her?

i am pursing taking him to court. ive tried in the past and couldnt get him supeaned. I want cusidity and mybe visitation after drugs screens and he begins paying child support. my duaghter is in love with him. He loves her as well but hasnt been a great father ever. His intrest in her has been in the last 1 1/2 and she is 8. My husband has done more for her in the last 2years tan her father ever has. im at a breaking point. he intrudes in everything i instill in her and he doesnt even get what being a parent means nor does he even try to help support her in any kind of way. never has unless the state has garnished his wages few and far between.
i just really need unbiast advice or opinions .

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:21 AM on Jun. 20, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (7)
  • I think that you should get full custody of your child if you are the more responsible parent, but if you try to keep him out of her life, it just might backfire on you. Your daughter just might grow up and resent you for it. She may not understand the child support issue and if she loves him like you say she does, keeping him out of her life is the worst thing that you can do.
    ericaheath

    Answer by ericaheath at 4:00 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • You should not keep him from seeing his daughter, no matter what. I have been on the other side of it and had my kids withheld from me and unless he is abusing her, or doing drugs IN FRONT OF HER, he should have a right to see her and have her in his life. BTW, can he spell?
    phazed.0ut

    Answer by phazed.0ut at 4:08 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I went and got sole custody of my son and he has visitation as long as it is mutally agreed upon . But my sons dad has never had anything to do with him hardly he is a holiday father. My son is 10 and wishes he had a dad it is so sad and hurts him .My husband trys but its not the same I guess . Mine is behind in child support too .
    angeleyesm

    Answer by angeleyesm at 6:59 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • You need to be careful of something called Parential Alienation www.paskids.com. The court views child support and visitation as separate issues. His inability to pay should not affect his visitation UNLESS he has risky or dangerous behavior. I'd like to invite you to join a group I created regarding custody: http://www.cafemom.com/group/43565/boards/index.php
    sjmookie

    Answer by sjmookie at 11:08 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • child support and visitations are two separate issues. Child support is NOT a fee a father pays to see his child. Regardless f whether he pays or not he has a legal right to his child. Phazedout - I'm totally with you on this. (And my ex owes me about 5k from 3 years ago so I have been there)
    deadheadjen

    Answer by deadheadjen at 9:07 PM on Jun. 21, 2008

  • As long as your daughter wants to see him and as long as he is making some effort at a relationship with her you need to support it as much as possible. I'm in a very similar situation. try not to let your feelings about him make her feel guilty for loving him or wanting to see him.With your husband providing her with a good role-model, it won't take her long to figure things out.
    lalakay

    Answer by lalakay at 1:35 AM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • in front of your daughter, be 100% for it. But beware, bad dad leaves BIG scars. If her father drops out of her life at some point... you WILL have a daughter who has men issues.
    ChasesMommy0115

    Answer by ChasesMommy0115 at 10:15 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

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