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Help! My husband doesn't like our son!!

We have been married for 5 years now and he has always been great. He loves his nephews and nieces and has been a wonderful uncle to them. We had our first baby last December and they have not bonded and even worse my husband has admitted that he doesn't like our baby!! I am so upset, I don't know what to do. I feel like it is me he doesn't like. I have tried hard to keep our relationship strong as well as care for our LO. Baby was born on Saturday, we were released from the hospital on Sunday, and Tuesday night I gave DH oral sex, and I have been keeping that up on a regular basis. So he isn't feeling jealous, he just flat out doesn't like our baby. I am so distraught I have even considered leaving DH. I love him so much. Getting a divorce would be horrible and I don't wasnt DS to grow up in a broken family especially since I know our marriage is strong and can work. He doesn't seem interested at all in bonding with DS.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:18 AM on Mar. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (19)
  • Sometimes men are afraid of babies, that they don't know what to do with them. My DH was like that with my DD until she got about 2 years old.
    resamerie

    Answer by resamerie at 2:26 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • dang that sounds sad!! why would he say he doesnt like his own son..what an AHOLE
    lhernandez7208

    Answer by lhernandez7208 at 2:27 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Give him some time. I know my dh was scared of our daughter at first. But the older she got, the more involved he got. When he DID show any kind of attention towards her, I made a point not to hover and tell him what to do and just let him find his own way with her. There are A LOT of new things happening and he is probably trying to find his place. Good luck.
    KaceesMom

    Answer by KaceesMom at 2:28 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Oh honey my hubby was bad too. No liking and loving are two different things. I don't like my son sometimes but I always loved him.
    My hubby was really disinterested in our son up until he was about 1. I don't know why but some guys just can't connect. Give it time.
    Unless you know in your heart he can't change. Only you know him intimently. Not us.
    Maybe you could make hubby spend more time with him. Like when your all at home say you gotta go to the bathroom and hand the baby to hubby and tell him to pat his back for a min while you leave. Just make him spend time with him and see if a bond begins.
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 2:28 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • He probably is scared that he wont be a good father. Being an uncle is easy, you have VERY little responsibilies if any. And being a father (or mother) is hard. I would just tell him he is a good father, a couple times a week so he gets more comfortable in his role as a father. It might also be the babies age, babies are really "fun" to men til they start to walk and run ect. Good luck! I hope it all works out
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 2:28 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Maybe you have a little post pardum depression.....VERY NORMAL and worth talking to a dr about.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:29 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Yea have him spend time with the baby like a pp said. Hand him the baby when you go to the bathroom. Hand him the baby when you go to the kitchen. Just try doing that a little at a time. Men are funny with things like babies. Babies can make them nervous, meaning the men are scared of making mistakes. The older baby gets and the more time he spends with the baby the better Dad will feel. Don't leave him over this. Give Dad a chance to bond with the baby in good time
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:47 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • More men are like this than not, actually. Bonding is a tool to keep moms from eating their young. **grin** Men bond later, when the kids are old enough to take on a mammoth hunt.

    Honestly...I wouldn't worry about it too much. Babies are not very interesting to most men. They come around when they become toddlers. If you DON'T see it happening then...well, better a broken home than living with a dad who doesn't like you.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:48 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • lhernandez7208 Thanks for your supportive help.... calling my husband an Ahole really helped me out (sarcasm, in case you didn't catch that).
    Anon :29 How am I suffering from PPD? Because my husband told me he doesn't like our son? That translates to me having PPD?
    To everyone else: Thank you so much for your help and kind words! I am so glad to hear that this is "normal". I know he is a great man and can be a great father. What you say makes sense. I guess it is hard for men to bond with someone who only eats, poops, and sleeps!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • enjoy being a new mommy! dont worry too much about him, his a grown man, and you just had a baby, everything might just be stressfull right now, and his problem might be shock from everything that has happend and is happening! take a break from each other get some air and sort your feeling out,
    mommy394

    Answer by mommy394 at 3:05 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

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