Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

So how do you deal with a friend who disagrees with you on everything?

I'm just getting irritated lol! My friend disagrees with the way I do everything, and she tries to make herself sound like the perfect mom and wife. She doesn't understand why I am fine with it when our husbands have to work late (they are both military and work together), she doesn't understand why I can't bring my daughter over to the park to play (I spend all day cleaning my house, and my daughter plays outside during my sons soccer practice), why I have so much cleaning to do 24/7 (I have 3 kids ages 10, 11, 4 and she has a 2 year old and a baby), why I shop at the produce market instead of just getting everythign at the grocery store (I get fresher produce for less at the market but it does take more time), why I watch so many TV shows (though she watches soaps and game shows etc and I watch a few hours at night of shows she doesn't watch). Its irritating but I don't want to upset her by asking her why she does this.

 
AprilDJC

Asked by AprilDJC at 2:20 AM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 20 (8,524 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • Wow, I read your post replies and that's horrible :( she sounds like she's in a toxic environment, jealous of the fact you're not, but also feeling probably a bit trapped and so clinging onto you like a life-line not realizing that she's also taking her up-setment about her situation as well as her resentment out on you. I'd let her know how you feel about her situation, and that you wish to not be around her husband, I'd be honest about how she talks and treats you at times, and as painful as it might be it will at least let her know why you stopped wanting to go around her when her husbands present (I agree with your hubby on this one), and it will let her know you won't take anymore of her treating/talking to you meanly. She'll have no choice but to face what she's become and is around, or to live in her delusional world without messing with you and your family. :(
    Knightquester

    Answer by Knightquester at 3:36 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • BTW I have explained to her my answers to every question she has, but she still tries to make it sound like she is the better wife/mother. I don't like to feel competition in my friendships is all.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 2:21 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I think you have to tell her. She probably doesnt even realize she's being such a nagging friend. Sit her down and point all of these things out. Let her know you love her and all of her differences and you want her to do the same for you. Let her know you want to keep being great friends but it is all really annoying. I mean, thats worse than alot of MIL's!
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:23 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I would just tell her how you feel. It will never change if you dont. Just explain you have a different approach/style then she does.
    Mikayla_lynn

    Answer by Mikayla_lynn at 2:24 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • It seems pretty clear to me that anyone with genuine self confidence has no need to put down the way someone else does things especially a friend! Here's how I'd handle it: next time she comments on something GENTLY say something that expresses your point but , is non confrontational Example: If she comments on your Tv watching say "well I'm sure you understand with your Soap addiction" or say how you "wish you had time for going to the playground" or tell her she's lucky housework never gets away from her with a toddler and infant. You know, say it better, I'm sleepy, but I hope you get the gist. Be consistent but light hearted and see if she starts to get the picture if not I'd consider sitting her down woman to woman and doing the whole "I" statements thing, "I feel" , "I'd like" etc. HTH!

    BubbaLuva

    Answer by BubbaLuva at 2:29 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I had a girl that did this to me. She was always bragging about doing this and doing that for her hubby...funny thing is her hubby didnt even like her (he worked with mine..both military). She would call up to the shop like every hour while they were at work, she was alway complaining about EVERYTHING, nothing was ever right. It finally just got to the point I started avoiding her. I knew talking to her wouldnt do any good, and every time I was around her I ended up aggravated. So I just stopped returning her phone calls.
    abbynzachsmommy

    Answer by abbynzachsmommy at 2:30 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I would stop talking to her. I have a few friends that acted like that, I stopped talking to them, and a couple got it, a couple didn't. But I am not annoyed by it any more!!!
    clovismommy25

    Answer by clovismommy25 at 2:32 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Yea it may be time to talk to her. Let her know you love her to pieces. You have different life styles and she is making you upset with her seemingly perfect life. I had a friend like that and I just had to tell her she was hurting my feelings. I let her know the reason I hadn't said anything to her before is because "I " didn't want to hurt her feelings. She didn't even realize that she was being abrasive. But after the talk, things slowly got better. Maybe even have a special lunch for the two of you afterwards.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 2:32 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I go through this on (unfortunately) a daily basis, with my "disabled" brothers GF, she's just obese not disabled, she has a good excuse to do and say everything she does and has a good excuse to put down or criticize everything everyone else does. I once told her when I was mad, "HEY! YOU DO YOUR THING AND I'LL DO MINE"! I like her but damn! sometimes ppl want you to think and do as you say, kind of like a puppet.
    Gigi1969

    Answer by Gigi1969 at 2:33 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I do get really aggravated. It's sometimes like she only wants to be friends when it benefits her. Like if I am going shopping, she will ask if she can come and I don't really mind, but she knows I go to the produce market and such, and she will just stand there while I am shopping because she doesn't "need" anything but then she buys loads of produce at the grocery store and says that my stuff from the market is "too ripe" when really the stuff at the grocery stores is not ripe enough. But I don't argue with her, it's no bother to me what she thinks of my food, its just that she complains. And if I can't take her to the store, or if my kids are all with me and she doesn't have room she will want me to have my hubby watch the kids so she can go too. If I am too busy cleaning to go to the park, she will tell me how she makes sure her chores are all done before bed every night so she can spend the day with her kids. UGH.
    AprilDJC

    Answer by AprilDJC at 2:36 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

Next question in Just for Fun
i have no life