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11yr old out of control

My niece is totally getting out of hand. My sister cant get a hold of her attitude and problems. My niece is snorting smarties YES smarties with her friends and doing who knows what else. She lies all the time. She points gays out very loudly in public with disgust! She is about to go into highschool and I am scared she is gonna get into drugs (if she isnt already) and sex too early. Any sites you can recommend to help my sister talk to her, or ideas to get her to talk?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:07 AM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Answers (8)
  • She needs to get her ass whipped!! "Introduce some leather in her life"!!


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:14 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • They really need to get her into counselling to begin with. Talk to her guidance counsellor at school about trying to change her schedule around to maybe have fewer classes and lunch with these certain girls she is "snorting" with..Tell her until her attitude and behavior changes she isnt going anywhere with those girls. At that age they have to earn our trust, you cant let them do anything they want. Start with counselling and just tell her daughter she loves her and just wants her to be happy and healthy and will do anything to keep her that way. That there is nothing she cant talk to her mom about, and she is always there for her. And maybe it would be helpful if they went to counselling for someone else to talk to for awhile. My dd and Ihave a very open relationship, she knows she can talk to me about anything and I wont overeact until shes done. Sometimes things she asks almost kills me, but we do fine lol.

    Answer by lakegeorge_mom at 4:30 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I think this is a time to go all "Dr. Phil" on her. Take away EVERY thing but school...friends, phone, TV, computer, etc. It is then her responsibility and choice to earn these things back. I agree that she needs to be distanced from friends who are a questionable influence. This may seem extreme but better now than when she is 16.
    I think we also need to remember that as parents we need to be careful of our own behavior. I am not by any means BLAMING parents but if we want to see a positive change in our kids then it may not hurt to take a good look at how we respond to our kids and how they see us respond to others. Kids are way more likely to mirror our actions that to follow our words. I have personally seen a fair amount of personal growth by looking at my behavior through the eyes of my children.
    And through the whole thing...Pray!!
    Amy :)

    Answer by TSismybiz at 8:33 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • The answer lies with this kid's friends: that's who is influencing her, over and above what her parents can do. I agree that counselling is the answer, especially if this is also having an impact at school. Drug use is out, first of all. Then the trashy friends have to go. More to do at home or school; next.

    Answer by bookkeeper11107 at 11:01 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • wow that's some extreme and disturbing behavior from an 11 year old. Those friends might be a bad influence, or else that girl is a bad influence on them....either way, they shouldn't be allowed to hang out together anymore. that's a terrible thing to have to do, but what other options are there?

    Answer by laadeedah at 12:45 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Why is she entering high school. No middle school? Don't worry she will shut her mouth fast. The older kids will not put up with that kind of behavior and they will let her know about it. My DD thought she was so cool until she entered the doors of high school. She learned quick how immature she was acting and that she was not that hot after all. I would be worried about the gay bashing. That is learned behavior. There are gay students in high school. That kind of talk will get her kicked out for intimidation.
    As for the drugs and sex. Just make sure you know where she is at all times. She needs to be dropped off at school and picked up. Her parents must meet the parents of all her friends. Let them know that she is not to wander off. At 11 almost 12 she doesn't need any free time without supervision. I re-arranged my work schedule so my kids never had time by themselves in our home.

    Answer by CelticFaerie at 6:12 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • Also, If my DD acted like that in a mall. She would no longer be allowed to go to the mall. If she wanted to go to the movies or skating rink. I would drop them off. They were to remain inside until I picked them up. I knew there was a no in a nd out policy. So, If they waited for me outside, I would assume they had gone somewhere else. That privledge was taken away.My 16 DD has had to earn ever bit of independance. She had many freedoms taken away when she messed up. Working hard to earn them back.
    I don't think an 11 year old should be anywhere with their friends alone. I have a 12 year old boy. He isn't allowed to go anywhere without me or my husband. Unless his sister decides to take him somewhere. Too many things can happen kids that age are not ready to handle.

    Answer by CelticFaerie at 6:18 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • This child does sound like she needs professional help. I would imagine that she may have some inappropriate influences in her life and it also sounds like she is crying out for attention. Her mom needs to get her to a counselor as soon as possible and see what is going on with this young girl who is trying so hard to be tough and street-wise and to prove her bravado.....What would make her choose to act out in this way? Serious red flags here! She needs help. This should not be ignored.

    Answer by BJoan at 10:45 AM on Mar. 17, 2009

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