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The Sex Talk

Okay, so it has just come to my attention that my 8yr. old SD has seen her teenage step brother making out with his girlfriend. this happened a while ago, but when I brought it up to her BM and mentioned that now might be a good time to talk to Klaudia about that sort of stuff she said she was too young. I dont mean she needs the full out sex talk, but I think it would be good to let her know that we are here for any questions she has about boys and girls. I brought it up to her because I didn't want to have that sort of a talk without discussing it first with her. I know that from what I have read on here that this is the age where kids become more curious and have more questions. I want to do what is best for my SD. I know that I never thought about any of that stuff - that I remember, but i know its important. What should I do? Am I right to think she needs to be talked to about this stuff?


Asked by aly38914290 at 9:38 AM on Mar. 13, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (10)
  • Ok....I am sure all the BM's out there are going to give me hell for this but here goes. A lot of times, a child will talk to a step parent more openly than a biological parent. It is an adult they trust and feel close to, but not an actual "parent" in a child's eyes. Just let her know you are there for her. As a mother, I would rather know that my child was at least talking to someone, even if it wasn't with me. Maybe tell her, I know that you are exploring things with you body and you may need someone to talk to about that. If you do, know that I am always here for you.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:26 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Now are we talking a kiss or like a full blown make out session? The two are very different in my eyes. I think that she should know that when two people really like each other they express that with holding hands or kissing. But that she shouldn't kiss people that she just is friends with. I don't know though. I mean, you could really be crossing a line here though. I think a precursor to the talk could be appropriate. Talk to your husband and see what he thinks. See what he thinks she should know and what she shouldn't know and then the two of you can talk about the possibility of that being discussed.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 9:43 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • it was making out. they were all over one another according to my SD and her friend. her BM did make sure that her stepbrother knew that was completely inappropriate. so that is good. i just wondered if she talked to my SD about what she saw or if she had any questions.

    i think she is possibly exploring masterbation because i know that she rubs on herself some because when i went in to kiss her goodnight the other night, i could smell her hands. also, i have asked her if she is itching (which she didnt react to) or rubbing and she said yes - i asked about that because she has had trouble with UTIs and she said it hurt when she peed and the last time we went to the doctor it came back she didnt have one and her doctor said the pain could be from the irritation on the outside from where she is itching.

    i just think that its time to at least let her know that we are there to answer her questions and the door is open.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 9:51 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I am guessing the step brother is her step dad's son, not your son, right? So this happened at her house, right? Kids explore with masturbation. I think she should also know that is something people do, but that it isn't appropriate where anyone else can see it and it shouldn't be anything that is discussed with anyone other than doctors and parents. So say just that. "Honey, I know that you might have questions about things going on with you and going on with your brother. I want you to know that if you have any questions at all, your dad and I are here to help you answer them." I have already been told my BM that I get to do the sex talk. I am not looking forward to that, but my step child is a boy, so Dad will probably do it..Good luck. But I do really suggest talking to your husband about his stance on it.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 10:02 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Well, my 9 year old neighbor took it upon herself to tell my 5 year old (now 7) ALL about sex. You should have seen my face......i was taking a shower DD hops in with me & we start talking about rock & roll. She said rock & roll is bad because they sing about SEX. I GASPED!!!!! I couldn't believe my 5 year old just said SEX. So, I had no choice. I had to talk to her about the birds & the bees at 5 years old. Luckily, she is mature & did a great job. But at the end of our conversation she said "mommy, lets not talk about this again until I'm a teenager" I said " i think i like that idea". She now hates boys even more, knowing what they can do with those things down there. So, maybe it will pay off having to have that conversation so young.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:06 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • yes it happened at BMs house. the boy isnt actually her step brother, but with limited space i didnt want to try an explain it in my question. he is the nephew of BM's ex-boyfriend. he was living with them for about a year or so. i am not sure why he was living with them and not his parents, but he just joined the military not very long ago, so he wont be home except for visits. the boy's brother actually married their step-sister (their step dad's (BM's new hubby) oldest daughter) this past december. its pretty complicated. lol.

    i dont know if BM knows about the masterbation thing, so I think i will bring it up to her and see if she has noticed anything. maybe if i talk to her on the phone things will be clearer or something. i dont know. i just feel like SD needs to at least know that we are here to answer questions and that its okay. she already has trouble talking about things that bother her...

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:21 AM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • At least one girl in her grade at school has her period. By summer a few will be wearing bras.

    She is NOT too young to know what will happen to her body and briefly why.

    Answer by kaycee14 at 2:37 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I hate to say this...but there is a little girl in my area pregnant. She is nine years old. Her mother is a good friend of mine, and she's DD's friend. I never thought of her having sex, she seemed like a "normal" nine year old playing with dolls. Kids are having sex younger and younger these days. My DD is almost 8, and because of what happened I had the full blown sex talk with her. You never can be too safe.....

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • funny i asked a friend about the smae kind of thing today, she told me she allways told her kids if someone at school or where ever tells you something, come home and tell me and ill explaine and tell you if its true

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 8:41 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • okay bras & periods at this age is such a crazy thought to me. i didnt do any of that until i was in 8th grade! SD is only in 2nd!

    however, her BM thinks SD is developing. lol SD isn't. i am not saying its not coming soon, but SD has no need for a bra. now we have all gotten SD some because BM thinks SD needs them so that SD can be comfortable because BM says SD is getting THO & that you can see her areola area under some shirts. I think if the shirt is thin enough you can always see that. that just means SD needs an undershirt. & the little bras/sport bras that girls her age wear or girls with no boobs wear, do nothing for THO. my bras don't keep me from showing when its cold. lol

    BM is so backwards sometimes. like right now, she wants to get both my SD and SS on allergy medicine because they are waking up with dry throats. BM is always pushing for medicine so much so that SD asked for tylenol for a bug bite!!

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:34 PM on Mar. 13, 2009