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Need suggestions on a tactful way to tell son's father how to disipline...

I was just talking to my son's father via text about my son (we are not together). I stated that when he fights me to brush his teeth it drives me nuts, I'm just holding him and he makes it sound like I'm killing him. He proceeded to tell me that he "sits" on him when he's being really bad because he is so strong and wiggly. I know he doesn't actually sit on him with his weight but I hate the fact that he does that to control him! The only time I have ever "sat" on my son was if he was sick and I needed to clean his nose out so he could breath better. What are the best words to use to tell him I don't want him to do this and keep from starting a fight?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:19 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (6)
  • OH HELL NO!!! How old is he? I am assuming less than 2 since this is where you are posting the question. He needs to go to parenting classes. I am sorry I don't have any advice on how to be tactful about it, hopefully someone else can help you, but I would put a stop to that crap immediately. What is he going to do when your son starts really getting into the terrible 2's? Or when he ia older and really mnouthy and testing his limits? That is a control issue, not disciplin.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:25 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I totally agree with the "OH HELL NO" that's why I asked...my step-brother's real mother did that to him and he is all jacked up in the head and I will be damned if my son will be treated like that. I really think we would both benefit from parenting classes. I do spank my son to a very small degree but that is a completely last resort. To me, this explains some of my son's behavioral issues and why he throws the fits he does when he's with me. It really hurts me to know he does that to our son!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:30 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • oh and he's almost 20 months old....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:31 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Seeing as you two are not together but still sharing in raising your son you should try to sit down and come up with some ways to disipline him so that it's similar and consistant.
    Good luck, me and DH have differing ideas on disipline. We've both had to adjust our methods so we are atleast in the same book let alone the same page.
    AmandaH321

    Answer by AmandaH321 at 1:34 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I agree with Amanda. Approach it like this: "you know, DS has been acting out lately/testing limits lately etc. and I think it's really important that we be consistent in how we discipline him so that he learns that being with mommy is no different then being with daddy when it comes to rules/boundaries/discipline. How do you think we should handle things????" that'll hopefully open up a dialogue which will allow you to suggest other approaches such as time out, letting him do something first then you finish (like brushing teeth-with my 27 mos old twins we let them brush first and then we go in and brush for them sometimes they squirm but usually if we talk about how beautiful their teeth are, sing to them, something, they comply)
    twinclubmom

    Answer by twinclubmom at 3:00 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • This is likely to make him more out of control, because he's going to be scared that when he does not comply a full grown man is going to sit on him. Please, he can't control a 20 month old by any other means? Your are your child's only advocate, no one else will protect him from this. Be aggressive about it if you don't want this to happen any more. 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:24 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

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