Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Should I confront him if I found out he was on MySpace...

The short version:
I went online on my DH's laptop to watch a show on My gut told me to click the history tab (he's been glued to his laptop the past few days). I saw he was on MySpace looking up his ex fiance. (Luckily she's not a member)
So the question is- do I confront him or just let it go?
We've been married almost 5 years, but I have a feeling he still thinks about her...
The long version:
About 6 months after we were married I found out they had been emailing back and forth. The emails were flirtatious and sounded like he missed her. I also found out that his daughter (14 at the time) was emailing her because she missed her so much and thought of her as a "second mom". I never got to forge a relationship with his daughter, and thought it was insensitive of them to keep in contact with this woman. I'm pretty sure my DH compares our relationship to the one he had with the ex fiance- including our sex life.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:49 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • Get rid of your internet and then you wouldn't have anything to worry about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I would totally confront him if this was my husband.

    Answer by nichvegas-mommy at 1:51 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • You should just confront him about it. If his daughter has a connection with her that really isn't a big deal. But his communication with her should have ended when your relationship started. I guess he didnt get the message the first time around, but its time to remind him.

    Answer by MamaChamp at 1:51 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Additional info: He still has a box of pics and stuff "hidden" in the basement of our house. I know they are there because I asked him to get rid of them when we moved, but he wouldn't. He hasn't contacted the ex that I know of, but I don't really feel like being suspicious and checking his browsing history every day before he comes home from work. Besides, how do I know he's not emailing her from his work email. I just hate feeling this way, and not being able to trust him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • PS- I can't get rid of my internet- that would mean no more CAFEMOM :P

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Everyone has a past, regardless of their age. Nobody should expect a person to develop amnesia because they've now entered someone's life. If the woman has a special bond to the 14 year old, that's a good thing for the child. There's no reason her life has to be cut because you've entered it. I'm sure he does do some comparison...everyone does - we're all human. Doesn't necessarily mean he's doing it negatively towards you. He is with you, so obviously he's chosen you as the winner. Boredom will make people do alot of goofy things.....searching around on MySpace is one of them, and if he's not connecting with her, I wouldn't worry about it. It sounds like the emailing was 4.5 years ago....long ago, not to worry. Just keep tabs on your relationship with him and work to make it the best you possibly can.

    Answer by EireLass at 1:54 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Yes definately confront him!

    Answer by mominbolt at 1:56 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I agree with most of what was said by EireLass, but what if the ex fiance and the girl hadn't communicated until I came into the picture?
    Boredom does make people do goofy things, but choosing to look up an ex on the computer instead of spending time with me ( I was at home in the living room when it happened) is what I'm worried about.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I would ask him about it without being confrontational. Being curious about what an ex is up to now is normal. But the history you guys have with him talking to her and all of that makes it a bigger deal than it regularly would be. Don't assume he is doing anything, but ask him about it. Why did they break up?

    Answer by DDry at 2:00 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • He had a lot of anxiety about the engagement soon after he asked her to marry him. They were broken up for a couple years before we met, but I found out he really regretted ever hurting her or breaking up with her and had stayed in contact with her in hopes of reconciling. I think she's "the one that got away" and he knows his life would be a LOT more carefree if he was still with her. Our relationship moved very quickly, and I wonder if he regrets that now.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:05 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.