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Is there way to work through an abusive relationship?

I'd really like the Christian perspective, please don't take offense to this, but "just leave" is against everything i believe in.... He is emotionally abusive, frequently, and has been physically abusive in the past.... So my question is, is there a way to work through it?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • I believe that there is. It might require that you separate yourself from him for a period of time, if you are in any way in danger. The purpose of the separation would be for restoration and not for divorce. If you don't think that you are in danger, then separation is likely not necessary. I would guess that he has some very deep seated issues with anger that more than likely stem from his childhood. These things have to be dealt with or they will cause trouble for the man's entire life. It is very hard to find someone who can help with the issues because most doctors and counsellors try to treat the symptoms rather than the root causes. Once the root of the behaviors is discovered and dealt with, the behaviors take care of themselves. I commend you for not giving up on the marriage.

    Answer by NannyB. at 3:01 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • If you are looking for the Christian answer, maybe you should check with your church. Maybe your pastor is willing to recommend a program for him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Im a christian and was told that if you are in an abusive relationship it is ok to leave because your husband and you are not living under what God considers a Godly marriage. Your husband is supposed to hold you up as Jesus holds up the church. I would try marital counseling with your pastor or a christian based counseling service, if that doesnt work its time to leave.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I'm a Christian, born and raised in the Church of Christ, and although divorce is looked down upon there are things brought from the bible that God sees as ok to leave a marriage. Cheating and Abuse. (Unfortunatly I've never studied this in depth because I have never dealt with it but wishing right now I could give you verses to read...hmm) Now in our church it was never "Ok he/she did ... now I can leave" It was ok they did this (in your case the abuse) and now we have to try to work on it. If it still doesn't get better then I have the choice to leave without disobeying Gods word. There have been a few couples in our church affected by this and some even divorced in the end but most worked through it, and all of them spoke with eitherr our preacher or a christian marriage counselor before making any definite decision. I'm sorry to hear you are having to deal with this. Pray a lot. God answers prayers if we just let him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • if you find how pls share it with us. I am sure there are lots of woman here inc myself who can benefit from it. Good Luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:32 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Nope. Honey, if you want to stay, stay. No one is going to console you on this. JUST GET THE HECK OUTTA THERE. If you choose to stay, you are a bad mom. I would think that goes against your morals and whatever more than leaving this dude. WHY?? WHY?? Thats all I can say. Get your head outta the clouds girl.. it don't work the way you want it to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:33 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I have never heard of it working out, although it may well have. Get counseling for sure. Start with your pastor.

    Answer by Bmat at 2:34 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I think you need to do a few things. First this is to pray for guidance. I grew up in the church and I am a strong believer but I also believe that abuse is a reason to leave. I think if a person is open to change, they can be helped. He needs a lot of help. If he isn't willing to do whatever it takes to get help, there is no help for your marriage. You can't make him do anything and you can't make him change. He needs anger management, individual counseling and also the two of you need marriage counseling. We don't know your husband and we don't know what's in his heart. But if he wants to change, he can but only on his own and through help from God. Pray about it and talk to him about it.

    Answer by DDry at 2:37 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I dont think there is a way to work through an abusive relationship whether your christian or not its up to the abuser if they want to change their ways,if you want to to stay and try to work things out that is your decision but if he is causing you emotonal and physical abuse I wouldnt put up with it.until he decides he wants to treat you better,the abuse will probably continue.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:06 PM on Mar. 14, 2009