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If abused children repeat the cycle of abuse it their families, will you allow your daughter to date a boy who was abused by his father or saw his mother abused?

Teenage domestic violence was the topic of the Tyra Show yesterday and so many teen girls thought that pulling hair, yelling, and other signs of abuse, were just not abuse at all. I was really shocked!!!
The 18 year old boy saw his mother abused and was abusing his girlfriend. I know that people don't always fall from the same tree, but would you take the chance?

 
MamaChamp

Asked by MamaChamp at 2:33 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (7)
  • I would but make sure she is aware of the signs to look for in an abusive relationship. I grew up in an abusive home and consciously chose to recognize and stop the cycle of abuse. It can be done and I wouldn't dare judge someone else's ability to overcome without seeing it for myself first.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 2:37 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Sillyt thats a good idea. My husband and I said that we would but we would teach her as well and look for signs ourselves. Hubby's dad was/is a dead beat father but hubby is the best father ever because of his experience. I'm sure that CAN happen with abusive families as well.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 2:42 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Thats a good question. I watched my step father abuse my momther for year even when she started to die from cancer he still was physically abusive. But i knew the diiference. It just soemthing i would have to explain to my daughter and something we would have to go over repeatedly so she knows what abuse is and what to do if it happens to her. I'm not going to fault the son for the fathers absive behavior. I would just make my daughter more aware of what absive is
    sunshinestar110

    Answer by sunshinestar110 at 2:48 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Yes because the cycle doesn't always repeat itself. My brothers were physically abused and they do not do that to their children. I was psychologically/emotionally abused and I don't do it to my children.
    purpleducky

    Answer by purpleducky at 3:08 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • It does not always carry over to the child just like drug abuse does not. Sometimes it keeps them from ever contemplating abuse/drugs at all. My ex came from a very VERY drug happy family and he has NEVER touched any of it. I myself came from an abusive home. My step dad was a raging alcoholic and beat my mom and me quite often. I can control myself when sober or inebriated. My daughter can date whomever she wishes no matter the family background, race, religion, cultural history, gender, and whatever other biases people can come up with. Her happiness is the most important thing. My boys can also date whomever. And if they EVER raise their hands to anyone (this includes my daughter) they will answer to me about it and then to the police. I do not care if they are 13 and hit someone. They will learn the consequences early.
    SuthrnPrincess

    Answer by SuthrnPrincess at 3:16 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • here's the thing if you try to stop her she will just see him behind your back. I would befriend the guy and get to know him and get him to open up and then talk to him about his past and that way I can see how he feels about that abuse and about women. Then I would help him see a different light and tell him he can come to me anytime.
    Building trust and friendship with the guy your daughter is seeing is key to their well being as a couple. If he's a jerk and blows me off, I would still ask him, "why the attitude?"
    I befriended my daughters last bf, they aren't together anymore but he stills wants to come by and see me.
    wheresthewayout

    Answer by wheresthewayout at 3:42 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I just plan on teaching my kids that it is NEVER ok for a man to lay a hand on a woman. I only have a son right now and I know for a fact that if he touched a girl in an inappropriate way not only would I kick his butt but his daddy would to. And if my daughter was ever touched by a man I'd kill him.
    lstrickland

    Answer by lstrickland at 7:59 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

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