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The wife is to blame?

I've noticed alot of advice about cheating in marriage that blames the wife, for her husband's infidelities... I don't get it ladies... I'm not bashing opinions, but I honestly don't get it. How can you prevent it, without tying down your spouse and becoming an overbearing wife? You have to trust in your marriage, I get that, but what if your trust is broken (he cheats)and you didn't know it? How do we protect our husbands from these "other women"?
Personally, maybe we should brand our husbands' foreheads, "with property of.." , would that solve the problem? (j/k about that...branding is alittle extreme.)

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Maybe they aren't putting out???

    Whoever cheats is always at fault for the act of cheating. But usually there are more problems in the relationship prior to the cheating that both people are accountable.

    Answer by munch12502 at 3:20 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I agree, the man who is always on Oprah about the same subject wrote a book and allowed every one to DL it for free for one day from her website. I did download it, is it illegal to share it? If it is legal, I will glady forward it to whoever wants it. :)
    However, I think it is just the man to blame.

    Answer by jenellemarie at 3:24 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • both people may be accountable for it, but thats no excuse to cheat. I think the weak hearted are the ones who cheat. If theres something in your relationship your not happy about talk to your partner about it and try to work it out and if they don't want to do divorce them, don't cheat. if your not happy, they why stay and cheat. IMO most people who cheat what it both ways, sadly in the real world you can't have it both ways.

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 3:28 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • well you just need to have in mind that is just not only women going after married or single man also the man even knowing they are married they would like to have an experience with other women. you can not prevent because you don't know if instead going to work he goes with her, or calls her as soon he is out of the house, so the only thing to do is sometimes make a visit at work and see if he is there just to surprise him or if that doesn't work check his phone at night when he is sleeping,check his missing, receiving calls and make a note of each phone number and star calling and inventing some excused to get the name of the person you are calling but never give your name.

    Answer by Milindus at 3:29 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • he cheats and you didn't know it? Ok here's the problem with that....according to research if he was made to feel like king of his castle and totally appreciated at home then he wouldn't have cheated in the first place. Now I know some men are jerks and cheat on general principle but we're talking avg guy who ends up cheating. I know a married man who "dates" more than any single man I know. he's some Don Juan and chases women like crazy every day of his life and goes home to w who claims he would never cheat on her. That's just denial big time. Sometimes women marry the wrong man or a man without respect for his vows and has no idea what commitment means. Ignorance is no excuse for his actions though. I was a wife and thought I did everything to make my x feel like he rocked but he cheated. It was bc I was not the right woman for him. I couldn't make the marriage successful without him putting value on our relationship.

    Answer by admckenzie at 3:36 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • my husband had an affair. whhile it was his choice to cross the line, I am just as responsible for our marriage falling to pecies. I can not speak for other wifes or marriages, but for my marriage I can look back and see were I drove him away and were he pushed me away. Both my husband and I are to blame for our marriage falling apart. But his sins are his own. He made the choice to cheat.

    BTW, we have been repairing our marriage and a marriage can be better after an affair.


    Answer by daughteroftruth at 4:21 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • It takes two to cause a problem. Both are a fault, the wife and the husband. The reasons change, each couple is different but both did something wrong. It happens.

    Answer by isabellalecour at 4:21 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • After Oprah talked about that book I've been hearing a lot about this. That mean cheat because they are missing something in their relationship. That may be so...But they still had the option of being honorable and upholding their vows by not cheating. It is not the woman's fault for being "overbearing" or for "nagging" or anything. Whoever went out and cheated did it CHOSE to do it.

    I've been unhappy with husband before. I've felt I was "missing something" but I've never cheated. I talk to my husband and I work it out.

    I don't care how unhappy anyone is they can always choose to NOT cheat. And if they want to cheat, why not leave the relationship/get divorced instead of causing so much more unnecessary pain and grief?


    Answer by madamekatekate at 4:37 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I don't think the wife is always to blame, except I guess a woman could always be blamed if she simply chose a man of bad character who was a cheater to begin with. I think that a lot of women take their husbands for granted and think that once they are married, they can put their love lives on cruise control. One of a man's greatest needs is to be admired and respected by his wife. When she does not provide those things, there is always another woman who is only too happy to tell him how wonderful he is. If all he's hearing at home is nagging and dissatisfaction with everything he tries to do, he is a sitting duck for the other woman. No matter how dissatisfied we become with our marriages, we should constantly remind ourselves that this is the man I chose to be my husband and the father of my children. Nobody held a gun to our heads and made us marry them. In that respect, I guess we are always to blame.

    Answer by NannyB. at 6:21 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • There are cases where it is completely the man's fault. And I NEVER think that there is any good reason for a man or woman to stray from their marriage. But if they aren't being fulfilled in every possible way at home, then that can cause this to happen. Husband's and wives need certain things in their marriages to be fulfilled.

    Answer by feesharose at 6:22 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

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