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I feel like a horrible mother!

My son is 19 and looks just like his father at that age, who passed when our son was only 7. Now when I look at him I get different feelings everytime. Sometimes I get terribly sad, while other times I get upset, and others I want to just hold him. Well yesterday I had a flashback of a romantic time with his father and got lost in the daydream, but when I opened my eyes and saw my son I felt disgusted as if I had been daydreaming of him! I feel like a horrible mother! I am afraid of what my mind is doing to me, should I try and find a way to find my son his own place even though I had told him years ago he could stay at home til he was done with college?? I really dont know what to do!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:10 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (14)
  • You are still grieving from the lost of your husband. You are just remembering a time with your husband, not your son. If you are having trouble seeing the difference, I would suggest you might seek a grief counselor before moving you son out. The separation from your son could be very hard on both of you. Grief is a process and sometimes needs a helping hand. If finances are a problem, get some good recommendations about churches in your area that may gave some counseling services.

    chocolateroses

    Answer by chocolateroses at 4:17 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • No You are just missing your husband! Awwe you need a hug!!! Forget about it!
    2mothershelpers

    Answer by 2mothershelpers at 4:19 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD MOTHER, IT JUST MAKES YOU A GRIEVING ONE. I THINK YOU WOULD BENEFIT TALKING TO A THERAPIST OR MAYBE A GRIEVING COUNSELOR. DON'T KICK YOUR SON OUT JUST YET, IT IS NOT HIS FAULT YOU ARE HAVING THESE THOUGHTS. I AM SENDING YOU A BIG SYMPATHETIC HUG!
    older

    Answer by older at 4:31 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Thank you all, I appreciate all of your warm words. I did not realize I was still grieving so badly over Jonathan. Maybe professional help is something that I should look into, thank you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • maybey you shouls talk to your son or get professional help your not a bad mother your just missing your husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • i would reccommend talking with a therapist. i dont think trying to find your son a different place will help. i think you will just feel guilty for doing that. and you are definately not a horrible mother. this must be so hard for you. also, you may think about explaining to your son what is going on with you.

    good luck.
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 10:30 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • You hang in there! I think you are just missing your husband. How nice to have your son, and therefore a part of your husband, close to you!
    4kidsandadog

    Answer by 4kidsandadog at 11:13 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • the daydream was about hubby not son. You are ok
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:06 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • When Ray passed away I was devistated. Our son looks exactly like him, so there are flickers of moments gone by that remind me of him. I'm pretty sure that's normal. Feeling guilty isn't going to help. There is a website called widownet.org. They have been there done that, they will help you find the answers you are looking for. Find out if there is a local hospice that does grief counseling in your area.
    7babies4me

    Answer by 7babies4me at 12:24 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I AM NOT SURE IF YOUR INTERESTED BUT HONESTLY I SUGGEST YOU FIND A GOOD BIBLE BELEIVING CHURCH AND GET INVOLVED. AND START PRAYING AND READING YOUR BIBLE..
    IT WILL HELP YOU AND IT WILL ALSO ALLOW GOD THE OUTLET TO COME AN WORK INTO YOUR LIFE.
    JESUSCARES4YOU2

    Answer by JESUSCARES4YOU2 at 12:24 AM on Mar. 18, 2009

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