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HELP ASAP!!

I was just checking my 15 yr. olds browsing history and discovered a nasty and utterly shocking porn sight he had went to!!! I have always trusted him and this is a first for me!! I've allready changed all of the parental settings to "strict" . My husband and I are not doing well at all and he has been dicussing our relationship alot with him wich I completley disagree with. I think my son is thinking he's all grown up if dad talks to him about such personal and adult matters. He has been very disrespectful and refuses to keep his nose out of our personal buisness. I am constantly being ganged up on by the two of them. In fact, me and my husband were actually getting along the other night and my son started this huge fight with me calling me names and everything. I told him please don't start your dad and I are actually getting along and laughing, Well my husband , actually denied it! How do I talk to him about all this?

Answer Question
 
flowerchid72

Asked by flowerchid72 at 4:50 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 5 (83 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • I think you all should get into family counseling. I know some people on here are going to say it's nothing, but porn CAN cause problems....it doesn't always, but it can. At one point, it nearly destroyed my husband and my marriage....and it started when he was a teen. But even if there was no porn, I'd still say you all should be seeing a family counselor if you want things to work. Sounds like you guys need some help. Good luck.


    www.pureintimacy.com

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Sound to me you need to talk to your DH first..Try to get him to understand that bringing your son into your marital problems(by talk to him about adult issues) is doing harm to the whole family.  Then you both can talk to your son together. If you and your DH are not together about this.Trying to straighten out your son will not work. Your son has picked a side..It's your DH's side not yours. That's why he is treating you badly.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:00 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I know sometimes this is easier said then done. When the home is chaotic so are the children. You and your husband need to work as a team to get things in order again. Talk to your husband in private and tell him what happened. Then both of you sit him down and have a talk with him. If he starts talking back you need to make sure he knows that is not exceptable. If every time he back talks you take something away. That might be something you have to do. I suggest taking the computer away for at least a few months except for homework. That is what we did when we caught our son. I would also ask your husband if he will please support you and tell your son he needs to treat you with respect. When my children back talk me in front of their dad he makes sure they know that is not okay. You really need your hubby to do that. Make sure to discuss your problems in private. Let your husband you want it done in private. Good luck.

    mich
    hopingforanange

    Answer by hopingforanange at 5:08 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • i agree fully with first poster.
    melody77

    Answer by melody77 at 5:25 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Any Ideas on free family counceling. We are flat broke. I live in colo.
    flowerchid72

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 5:32 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I understand that my dh and I have a lot to figure out but my son will be home from school soon and I really need some advice on how to bring up the issue of the porn.
    flowerchid72

    Answer by flowerchid72 at 5:41 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I think the problem is your husband not your son. Children should never be brought into adult situations It looks like your husband is looking for problems and a side chooser so what is he doing that makes him need some one on his side. You need marriage counseling not family counseling. In family counseling you would be doing the same as you husband and bringing your son into adult problems. In all sense telling your son he belongs in your problems. If you feel you son needs counseling get him into his own indivisual counseling. As for the porn. Yes it could be a problem later. As for at 15 it's normal he is hitting an age were he is interested in sexuality it's normal. It's also time for the sex talk and with your husband bringing the boy into your business I'ld suggest have an uncle or grandpa do it or do it your self.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 8:10 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • You just sit your son down and say what's on your mind..About the porn problem.. Nothing hard about it.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 11:17 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I agree, just talk about it.... mention you saw it, and be a bit cautious as he might have gone there a bit by mistake (accidently clicking on a ad, for example). I think it is more a question of his age than anything else - and I'd just stress that while it might seem intriguing, its not appropriate and not reflected of what sex should be, its illegal underage, etc. Of course, I'm assuming he hasn't been on 100s of pages, for 10s of hours... I'd use this first 'mistake' to educate him, and set the rules clear for the future.
    Good luck!
    PhillyinFrance

    Answer by PhillyinFrance at 1:31 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • For free or less expensive counseling you could try your church. If you do not belong to a church pick one that is close by and one that is your religion or something you can somewhat agree with. Most churches will counsel people even if you are not a member and a good counselor will not "preach" at you and are certified.
    finallyamom40

    Answer by finallyamom40 at 10:16 AM on Mar. 24, 2009

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