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MIL help??

I'm going out of town to visit family for a bit, and I have a lot of family to visit.
How do i tell my MIL to get over herself, and she can't have 6 of our 13 days to just her when I still have two other "sets" of grandparents to see?

she is guilt tripping my husband, and he is standing up to her, but he isn't here. he is deployed. so he can't really do much more than tell her to shush.

I'm soooooooo friggen annoyed!! Its been over a year since the other two sets have seen our kids. His mom saw them about 7-8 months ago

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Send her a copy of your "itinerary."  Let her know that you have other plans.

    MommyAddie

    Answer by MommyAddie at 4:59 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • tell her sorry stop being selfish and there's other grandparents that need to see them..stop having ur husband talk to them and u talk to her..she might listen more if it comes from u i think
    good luck i know how annoying they can be and controlling and i hate it
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:59 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Just explain it to her that way.

    When people are acting selfish or childish with guilt trips, give them one of your own.

    Please ask her to be mature and surely she realizes that the other relaties are just as much entitled to as much time with you and the children as she is.
    Anjeey

    Answer by Anjeey at 5:00 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • You don't even need to go into a big explanation. Just tell her "you'll see how your schedule works out - you're trying to be flexible to be able to visit with everyone".
    EireLass

    Answer by EireLass at 5:01 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • OP
    Thanks.
    We've both tried to talk to her about it, but she won't talk to me. she is down to having her boyfriend do the calls now. (he will do anything for her)

    I don't have a set 'plan' because i'm going down for a funeral. so my time is very. . .. divided already?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:03 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • What I do with my inlaws, I listen to what the have to say, smack them upside the head (in my mind), and let it go in one ear and out the other. Smile politely at her, and do your own thing.

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 5:03 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • i hate my mil as well hell i call her my monster in law, my husbands military also so when he's not around she puts up the guilt trip and tries to tell me how to raise my unborn child. unfourtantly for us she's only 15 minutes from base. your just gonna have to stand up to her even if it is over the phone i feel bad after i do it to my mil but i get over it and realize she's old and set in her ways and theres not a damn thing i can do to change her or her opoinoins (even though i would like to) she told me and my husband we should have waited till we were 35 to get marreid and have our first child. well im almost 20 and guess what im married to her son and i have one of my own on the way and when he gets married some day i hope his wife can put me back into place if im dead wrong and i know it lol
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • tell her tough you have other family to see and she get what time she gets or she won't get any. PERIOD and then stand your ground.
    pagirl71

    Answer by pagirl71 at 5:16 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • I would not leave it up for negotiation. Tell her that you are going to divide your time equally between all 3 families and that you dont have a set plan, you are just going to enjoy your time off and go with the flow. My DH and I go through this EVERY time....we have 3 sets of grandparents and then great grandparents as well to divide our time between. His family is one, and then my family is split up into sections. His family feels that they should get half of the time and then I have to divide the other half between my family. Now we just split it into thirds and figure it all out when we get there.
    jenellemarie

    Answer by jenellemarie at 5:29 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Give her a "take it or leave it" option. Meaning YOU pick the day/time/length of visit/place whatever - she either sucks it up and visits during that scheduled time, or she doesn't take it and she can deal with it. Guilt trips/manipulation from family members are a big NO-NO w/DH & I. If we feel that we are being guilted/manipulated - that results in the "offending" family member getting less of our time during a visit or getting NO VISIT AT ALL. MIL needs to learn that she's not the only family member your kids have, and when you visit it is NOT all about her. Good Luck - she sounds like a peach!!
    Fooph121780

    Answer by Fooph121780 at 5:40 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

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