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do you base your success on your childrens success? I'm feeling guilty for my kids bad grades and lack of motivation these days. I want them to succeed in areas they are not .

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:26 PM on Mar. 13, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

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Answers (8)
  • No. I don't feel guilty. I am finishing my bachelor's degree and my gpa is higher than my son's is! BUT I am applying myself and he is busy playing games on his computer! I don't feel you should waste energy feeling guilty. You have obviously tried to set a good example and that's all you can do!
    4kidsandadog

    Answer by 4kidsandadog at 11:27 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • No, I blamed peer pressure- their friends. We did all we could to encourage and to explain and to set good examples. If it helps, despite bad grades and snide attitudes as teenagers, both sons are settled with families now and able to support them comfortably.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 6:31 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • No, I blame my son for being lazy and not listening to what he is told to do. As parents we can only do so much to encourage our children and give them the skills they need to succeed then we have to sit back and let them pave their own way. By middle school they need to be held responsible for their actions, good and bad. Mom and Dad won't always be there to hold their hands.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:28 PM on Mar. 13, 2009

  • Absolutely! I want my kids to succeed and I accept responsibility when they don't. It's my job to make sure that my son stops playing vid. games and gets going on homework. It's my job to know when tests are coming up and that he's prepared. I don't sit in his room and make sure he studies - but I ask him if he needs help. I also ask him how the test went.
    I get that my ds is getting older and won't need the apron strings, but right now he's 14 and I'll slowly pull the strings away during the next 5 years.
    I always tell myself that I'll judge if I'm a good mother when my kids are grown up and out of the house - if they are productive members of society, behave like gentlemen, and are successful - then, I'll breathe a sigh of relief and tell myself 'good job'! Until then, I'll keep plugging along wanting my kids to succeed and taking responsibility when they don't. This doesn't mean ds doesn't take accountability!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I have a 18 ds who is totally unmotivated, I can't blame myself I have tried everything! I think its electronics and TV and society today. He has many friends the same way from good families. I blamed myself for a long time, but it was beginning to affect my health so I just keep on him and hope he finds his path in life! My 2nd son is completely different and the only thing I have done different is leave him on his own and not rescue him as much. I think we learn from each child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • Nope, my husband and I have set rules, set expectations, and provide them with the tools for success. I realize that my sons are not me and I have to allow them to be themselves. (I do interfer if they want to be, say, a pimp.) We try to teach and guide by example. We make them take responsibility for their own actions. We don't accept the excuse of: peers, too many choices, poor schools, etc. Our responses are: choose better friends, prioritize your choices, and I teach in those "poor schools" - the education is offered but the student has to actually be there and do the work instead of complaining how hard it is. My kids' failures are theirs.
    jesse123456

    Answer by jesse123456 at 4:11 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I use to. Until my oldest entered high school. I would drop her off and she would go out the back door. I realized she is not me. I had great grades without my parents help. Here she was with supportive parents who were willing to help. High Speed internet with homework help sites and the latest software. I had to walk to the local library. She understood that without an education she would get no where in life. She made the decision to skip with her friends. I can't hold her hand every moment. Now she has learned the hard way. She is now in a alternative HS. Which was the answer all along, Yet never given as an option until I threatened to homeschool. She will have to go to summer school to catch up and find some kind of job to pay for it.

    I homeschool my middle schooler now so he can never fall through the cracks. He is on the Autism Spectrum. Now I would blame myself if they were not loving, compassionate and polite kids
    CelticFaerie

    Answer by CelticFaerie at 5:19 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • No. Neither of my boys enjoy school. My daughter loves it. I loved school too, up until high school that is. My older son knows he has to get at least Proficient in his classes even though I know he is capable of Mastery. My youngest is doing school online so even though he hates school he is getting 92% and is passing every class. Thanks to mom being his learning coach & keeping him on track. Not an easy job! They know that I have gone out of my way to find the best schools for them & that I do whatever it takes to help them stay on track. As long as they have passing grades, it's all good.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:10 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

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