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so my fiance and i have had physical abuse in our relationship. Sometimes I start it, sometimes he starts it. I want it to stop. Last night he hit me. For no real reason his frustration and anger and im really upset by it. Please help me make this crap end....

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:27 AM on Mar. 14, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Get out and get counseling ASAP. They have a safehouse and domestic violence program at the YWCA. You need to get away from a guy who hits you for ANY reason.It will not get better, only worse unless he gets some help. No consequences--no change.

    Answer by Aprilmorgans at 12:37 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • thats the hardest part. we have a son together. i feel like we are meant for eachother we just have lots of problems. I want the abuse to end tho. enough is enough. im sitting here balling my eyes out cuz im so frustrated. i feel i love him way more then he loves me. he is just like his mother. him and his mother fight non stop and his defense she is a B**** but he treats her like crap and she treats him like crap and they say ur man will treat u like his mother . but i have hit him first too.. so i feel like he not all to blame

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • ok i so was watching Oprah the other day and they were talking about abuse in relationships... this guy stabbed his gf out of frustration.... he told her mom that he was being pushed with real reason why he did it...umm seriously i know u might love him. or its all in ur head but seriously it make get worse then him hitting u. you never know. once it starts in a relationship it wont end! please get some help go to counseling

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:44 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • thank you for responding. I have watched oprah but im issed this one. our fights are so out of hand. We swear, we kill eachother with words. i feel he is so mean to me. he has cheated on me 3 yrs ago with my step kids mom,.. a mother who has vanished for 3 yrs and i have become full time mommy. is till feel he dont apprecaite nothing i have done or do for him. he is mean. i dont even know why i love him anymnore. its so hard to leave im a SAHM with a 8 month old baby. my familyt has never been there for me so i have no where to go. Im tired of this crap tho i know i deserve more but cant get it in me to leave

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:47 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • if you dont have it in you to leave you are just not at the point where you are completely sick of it. Until YOU get there it doesnt matter what anyone else says. It seems like as women we take so much but once we reach the level of fed up thats it and there is nothing he will be able to do to keep you. Once you have had enough you will get there. It may take a month-even a year but eventually you will be there and when you do all I can say is bye-bye because you will be waving walking out the door because most likely it will not change unless u both understand there is a problem and begin to work on it. good luck and i hope you get fed up sooner rather then later.

    Answer by BusyB-Mommy at 1:05 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • this is really simple and really hard at the same time..
    Simple: what happens when he turns on your son? And yes in most abuse cases, they eventually turn on the children.
    hard part: letting go and seeking help.. One you both need counseling... but you have to leave him first, to let yourselves breath and reflect on what you both need.. so leave him for now.. make him get counseling for his anger.. attend yourself.

    if he hurts you bad enough, and it kills you.. where does that leave your son? Do you want your son to grow up thinking it's okay for his GF to beat up on him, or for him to beat up on his GF? You have to really look at what all this is doing to your son, and to you, and to your SO.. this is not a healthy relationship, and if you two don't seek help.. it could result is sooo much worse.. PLEASE for the sake of your son, and yourself, get that help. PM me if you need to talk.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 1:12 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • First, you need to separate from each other. I know, you love each other... But, if you TRULY loved each other, you would want what's best for the other one, and right now, if you're starting physical fights with him, you're not what's best for him, and if he's hitting you as well, then he's not what's best for you!

    Second, get some therapy - BOTH of you. That way, you can figure out what it is that's so messed up about the situation and fix it - either by learning to act appropriately towards each other, or by moving on.

    I don't mean this be harsh, but I've seen enough abusive relationships, growing up with it, and as an adult seeing friends in abusive relationships and helping women in ones. Believe me, without help, you all will hit each other 100 times, say your sorry 100 times, then hit each other again.

    You don't want to wait until one of you ends up in the ER or the morgue to do something about it.

    Good luck!

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 2:00 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • sounds like you two weren't meant to be. not saying stop trying to make it work though.

    Answer by mrsary at 2:54 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • If you arent stong enough for yourself... maybe be stong enough for your baby.
    Be selfless.... even if this man never turns on your child... what are you teaching that little boy. If you stay, i think you are wrong.

    I wish you all the strength to get up an leave and I will pray for your child that you do!

    Good luck and God Bless!

    Answer by alleykatt28 at 4:06 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • Get out before he kills you.

    If you think this was meant to be, then you think you were meant to be killed by your lover. Think of your son. Do you want him to grow up in a violent household?

    Get. Out. Now.

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:50 AM on Mar. 14, 2009

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