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Would you keep working at your marriage?

If you husband tells you he's trying to change and he loves you more than anything in the world? Even though you don't feel love for him anymore. Even though you can't forget the physical abuse he subjected to you on a few occasions. Even though your stomach turns when he kisses you because it's been so long since he's shown you attention. (If you have a kid together, also.) Would you keep working at your marriage, or would you just give up because enough is enough?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:07 PM on Mar. 14, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • To be honest.. I'm not liking the answers that I'm getting. I'm not going to go cry like some abused woman. I ABUSE MY HUSBAND ALSO. But nobody reads the comments before commenting.. so maybe I need to repost this with all of the information. I wasn't asking about my situation, I was asking if YOU were in the situation.. would you give up..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:29 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • It sounds like you don't have much faith in his ability to change. Not saying you don't have your rights, perhaps this has been said in the past too many times. I don't know, I don't know you or your situation. I believe in second chances, but if this is the third or fourth or fifth...well, I just don't know. Some people can't change no matter how hard they try. Based on the fact that you do have a child together and you are married I would say definitely put some hard work into rebuilding things from the ground up and see what happens before closing the door completely. Good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I would say that if you felt like it could turn out well, and you felt like you could possibly fall in love with him again then working on it could be an option, if you aren't sure tho I would move out and give counseling a try. If you're sure that you'll never love him again, it's best to cut your losses and move on. physical abuse is a very hard thing to overcome, it can be done if the man is ACTUALLY going to change, but that happens so rarely that most people think it's a myth.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:14 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • sounds like he is puttting forth effort and trying to make a a change from the past. I would definately work on it. But if there is another physical abuse incident, I'd be out of the house with my kids- that very day.
    Kiter

    Answer by Kiter at 2:16 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I would leave and take my child with me and dare him to try to get custody of our child after hitting me...if you have lost hyour love for hi and he makes u sick when u kiss him and all of that other stuff then there is no since in staying in the marriage because of the child because its going to be one hell of a home to raise the child in....you need to make a journal of when he hit you and what he does and stuff like that because if u do leave and he takes u to court u need to have proof and that is about the only kind of proof u can have in that aspect...neway just make sure u put times and dates on stuff
    BBKMommy

    Answer by BBKMommy at 2:21 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I'm afraid that abusers don't change, even if they say they will, even if they promise. I really hate to say it, but you should call an abuse hotline and get information about getting out. All too often the sweet talking is just trying to hold on to the status quo. They may actually not be able to change. If he would get extensive counseling, perhaps, but he must do this without having access to you or your child. In a rage, he might cause extreme physical harm.
    Bmat

    Answer by Bmat at 2:28 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • well, the last physical abuse was actually started because I told him i hope he dies and i kicked him in the leg. before that though he hadn't really done anything since we first moved in together almost 2 years ago.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • ... I'm not going to hold the physical abuse on him in court or anything like that. That would be stupid because one. He's never hit, me (just got physical, like thowing me on the bed, choked me once, Holds me down, grabs me). And Two, I hit him! I've been physical for quite some time now, I was in a VERY abusive relationship before him.. and when I get so upset and he won't leave me alone, I punch him. I'm not that great either, BUT He forgives and forgets. and I just can't seem to..
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • a relationship without love is not a relationship. you obviously don't love him. sounds to me like it's over. don't stay with him because it's easier/convenient/the "right" thing to do. instead, try moving out for a while and try "dating" again... if you want to give him a second chance i mean. Otherwise, i would say enough is enough. There's no use trying to fix something that isn't going to be fixed.
    RACHEL_D

    Answer by RACHEL_D at 2:45 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I feel you friend!! I know what you mean I think you already know what you want to do, what you need to do girlfriend we were not made for men to treat us like door mats!! we are beautiful, we are strong, we are can do type of gender what's keeping you? your child, don't let your child see you getting hurt by a man any man... your child needs you to be strong and teach them how to take care of business!!! men who hurt there better halves will continue to do so, but they will tell you how much they love you so you don't leave, don't become another statistic! that man is not a man if he loved you to see you hurt would hurt him, if he is the one hurting you what kind of love is it? he does not love you, he controls you and you will continue to survive a marriage!! a marriage should be lived not survived!! best wishes don't let a man hurt you and teach your child that that kind of behavior is ok!! it's not!!! u love you

    yoli42

    Answer by yoli42 at 2:45 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

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