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Would you keep working at your marriage?Q #2 w/more info on ME

If your husband tells you he's trying to change and he loves you more than anything in the world? Even though you don't feel love for him anymore. Even though you can't forget the last physical abuse he subjected to you ( I hit him too!!he doesn't hit, but other things. I said "i hope you die"). Even though your stomach turns when he kisses you because it's been so long since he's shown you attention. (If you have a kid together, also. and he has a kid that isn't yours, and you love her. and you have two kids that he loves) Would you keep working at your marriage, or would you just give up because enough is enough? ...ok, off the IF YOU stuff. I know he loves me, I see an effort of trying to change the things I hate, a slow one, but its there. I'm just so tired! I don't have the energy anymore to make this fight at our marriage two sided.... what would YOU do?


Asked by Anonymous at 3:35 PM on Mar. 14, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • I would work on it. But both of you need to change, and change takes time... and probably lots of counceling. You stated alot of what ifs... well what if you give him and yourself time to change and it works... your family stays intact and you don't have to go through the heartache of being alone and starting over again... not to mention what that in itself does to a child. Is a year or two years of working to save your family worth the effort if the end product is a good and fullfilling marriage? I personally would give it a shot. Actually, I may have not been in the exact same situation, but similar and I did stay and make it work. I praise every day that I did. My family was worth it all.

    Answer by daughteroftruth at 5:11 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • Ask yourself “am I a better person with him than without him?” mmmm. Only you can answer if you are going to go or stay. But have you thought about counseling?

    Answer by tykay at 3:43 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • Well, he keeps me out of trouble.. But I think i'd be a better person without him, because I could go to school, Get a job, Go out and have fun without his making me feel like my dad is in the bar.. and Grow up a little.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:16 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • I think you stay and you concentrate on working on yourself. He is working on himself, so if you do the same, things are bound to get better. The reason you both have failed in the past was because of yourselves, not because of the other parties. Unless you are willing to work on yourself, you will continue to fail because you are taking yourself and all your baggage into the next marriage. Don't even worry about changing him or the marriage. Concentrate every day on how you can change yourself, and you will see changes everywhere else. There are all kinds of books available to help you rid yourself of your past. Investigate some of those. Choose to be happy with him. Think about the positives that drew you to him in the beginning. Our feelings follow our thoughts. Start looking for the good in him and compliment him on it. Your whole perspective will change almost overnight. Your children are counting on you.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:41 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • "If your husband tells you he's trying to change and he loves you more than anything in the world? Even though you don't feel love for him anymore. Even though you can't forget the last physical abuse he subjected to you"

    Your husband should NOT hit you. You need to go! You deserve better than this....and better might be a little appartment with your child and a new start. Better may just be looking yourself in the mirror and KNOW THAT YOU ARE NOT A PUNCHING BAG AND NO ONE CAN LAY A HAND ON YOU.


    Answer by Niki_sd at 5:04 PM on Mar. 14, 2009

  • Depending on the severity of the situation, you may want to contact your local woman's shelter for tips on how to leave and be safe. My tip would be that when you grocery shop use your debit card and get $5,$10, $20 back. Since you are using your card at the grocery store the statement will not give you away. Take that $ and open yourself a savings account at a different bank that you do not tell your husband about. Have the statement mailed to a friend or PO box where he will NEVER see the statement. Even if you don't leave him for years, having this money set aside would be a good safety net if you ever needed it.

    Answer by Niki_sd at 5:06 PM on Mar. 14, 2009