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I fear my two year old is out of control. Any suggestions

Everyday allday he trys or does do everything he knows he is not suppose to.He doesn't play with his toys to much when he does he just likes to throw every last one on the floor and does not play with them. He trys to be the boss and tells me " I said no" or I give him two options and he will say he wants something else that I didn't say and don't want him to have and will not choose from the others.If I will not let him do something or have something or I go to do something he doesn't want me to do he will fall in the floor screaming and crying out of control and can not calm down.If I ask him to put something back or down he will talk back or tell me that he is going to sit it somewhere other then where I told him to.I try and give him plunty of attention and love.I have tryed spanking most of the time that dosn't work he just crys more or doesn't phese him at all I try timeout he just keeps getting down. What do I do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:03 AM on Mar. 15, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (12)
  • Such a tuff age. I try not to say the word NO too much. I try to praise my dd when she is doing something she should be doing. Positive reenforcement. When I put her in timeout, if she won't stay there or crys, I'll sit with her and say "boy, wouldn't it be nice to be playing with your toys instead of sitting here? But until you stop crying and be a good girl, we are going to sit here and not play with your toys." DON"T give in....if you offer him two options, stick with those two or he gets neither. Be consistant and clear. You can do it!!! It's hard but he will be a better kid for it!

    Answer by KaceesMom at 3:08 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • Sinupret it takes the edge off these mood swings my child is 3 and she needs it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:09 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • You remain consistant. When he throws a tantrum you walk away. Get as far away from him as possible, yet (of course) make sure he is safe. move him to his room if you have to. Say something like "ow. that hurts my ears/feelings when you yell at me like that." ...and that's it. just walk away. DO NOT give him any attention until he is finished. remain consistant. when he is done with his fit then talk to him about feelings. it's okay to be angry. it's normal to have those feelings. but he still has to listen to your words. try to teach him how to handle his anger. practice deep breathing, counting to 10 or teach him a physical behavior that wont get him in trouble that he can do when he is angry (like stomping his feet or jumping, find something that works for you). Remain Consistant. you will have to do this over and over agian, until his troublesome toddler stage is over.

    Answer by outstandingLove at 3:11 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • I do try and give him Positive reenforcement whenever I can and attention and love. Half the time his opptions is something he has to have like a shirt or big potty or little potty so getting nither is not really an option though I have just taken him out of the bathroom when he throws a fit about the potty and just not let him go he is still in dipers the only problem is that is counter produtive for the potty training but when he will just lay in the floor crying and not going I just take him out. Leaving him alone till he is done might work some but sometimes the tantrum is in the middle of trying to get a task done and I don't have the time to wait till he is ready to finish. Thank you for the suggetions I will try them. Anymore suggetions would be great cause all these things are some I have tried and are not working. I also have a 4 month old but alot of my two year olds behavior started before he came.

    Answer by MercifulMommy at 3:28 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • oh and If I try and hold him for his timeout he will throw a huge tantrum and scream and toss about so that I either have to pin him down to stay there or let him go. If I pin him down he goes on and on for about a half hour or more.

    Answer by MercifulMommy at 3:30 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • Yeah, he sounds WAYYYY out of control to me. My DD's would never DREAM of acting out like that.

    What kinds of discipline do you use? Me, I'm a spanker. I don't play with my DD's...when I say something, I mean it, and I mean it NOW. They know mommy means business and that I don't play. They know if they chose to act out and act like they don't have any sense, that they will be punished, usually with a smack on the hand or a firm spank on the butt. (My DD's are 3 and 21 months).

    ...but me giving them the 'Look' and raising my voice a little is usually enough to get the message across, so I don't have to resort to spanking all that often.

    It sounds like your little guy knows that their will be no consequences to his actions when he acts out and talks back, and that he won't be force to stay in time out, made to clean up his messes, and can yell, kick and scream to either get his way, or get you to back off.

    Answer by .Peaches. at 9:02 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • (con't)

    The next time he dumps his toys on the floor, you MAKE him pick them up. If he doesn't want to do it, then pick up the toys and put them away where he can't get to them until he learns that he can't just make messes and not pick them up, and that dumping his toys out because he's upset isn't acceptable. (If he doesn't have them to dump out, you have 1 less problem to deal with).

    Temper tantrum: Walk away and ignore him. Don't respond to negative behavior by giving him attention...that's EXACTLY what he wants, and probably when he's acting out so much.

    The next time he talks back...well, I can't tell you how to handle that one, but personally, like I said...a smack on the hand or the butt gets my point across.

    He sounds spoiled by the attention and love you're giving him....a lack of it isn't the problem, believe me.

    Answer by .Peaches. at 9:05 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • we rarely spanked. almost never- but the one and only thing we DID spank for was 'deliberate defiance'- like telling us NO when told to do something. We felt that the defiant attitude is the root of most bad behavior down the road.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:17 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • Peaches, that tone is so rude. She's obviously trying and looking for advice. And saying "my daughter would never dream of doing that" is just asking for her to do exactly that next week. I'm sure you have good advice to give, but try not to make people feel bad about themselves when they're obviously looking to make things better. And different kids handle the same parenting styles differently. My parents thought they had it totally down to a science with my younger brother and me, and then their third child came along and nothing they had been doing worked. He was a terror!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 AM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • Sounds as if you have a very strong willed child there! That's good and bad! When he has these"tangrums" the best thing you can do is to approach him in a very controlled and calm tone and tell him you see he is very upset, but you cannot understand him through the screaming. Tell him to used voice words,not screaming. Then ignore him, no matter how long the tantrum lasts. Maybe he's overtired, maybe he has some food allergy issues, maybe he needs more physical stimulation and all this energy that needs to be channeled more productively. You can try reading him storybooks about tantrums (for example The Berenstain Bears has one regarding this that he will definitely understand) The Terrible Twos are difficult for most parents but how you handle them sets the stage for behavior at three and four. The important thing is to convey to them that YOU are the boss, you understand their feelings, but the tantrums won't work.

    Answer by grandmalinda707 at 12:11 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

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