Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

how do i get my kids to do what i say,do not spank....they won't help clean up,dishes or even their rooms.

Answer Question

Asked by cassieandricky at 6:20 AM on Jun. 20, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • If you ever find out the answer to this question I too would like to know! My son {15} would rather remain on restriction then keep his room clean, He is required to do the dishes after dinner & half ass does them! all he wants to do is play Maple Story online everyday! I take the computer away from him & he will sit in his dirty room & mope, but yet he still does not clean it!
    I stopped giving him allowance over a year ago... because he can not keep up with his chores, so now I have to deal with his attitude all the time! However I felt that if I was doing his chores why would I pay him for doing nothing? Did not help!

    Answer by BytchGodezz at 6:41 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Needless to say I have a 7 year old that tells me she is too young to keep her room clean! I informed her that if she was old enough to drag out all the toys then she is old enough to pick them back up! She looked at me and said, well why do I have to clean up if Ariel doesn't have to? I had no clue how to answer that because her 15 year old brother does not set a good example! So both of their doors stay closed at all times, because I can not stand to look at the way they want to keep their room & my husband & I will fight about it when I finally do it for them!
    So, I wish us both the best of luck in tryign to find this answer out! LOL

    Answer by BytchGodezz at 6:41 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Well you answered your own question when you said you don't spank. When you let them do whatever they want without recourse, when they're younger,they will not do what you tell them to do when they're teenagers. You're about 13 years too late. Good luck.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:01 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I have a 17yo who used to be like that...I spanked, so it did not work anyway. He just preferred the punishment to the chore. He does get paid to do his weekly chore, and that was incentive enough for him to do it...but I was at him about it ALL THE TIME. Getting him to do extra's FORGET IT. I did it myself because it caused ME less stress. The battle to get him to do it was just not worth it in the end. I found giving him the guilt trip worked wonders LOL. Being the totally hurt and disappointed mother made him move his was a totally long work in progress though, didnt perfect it until he was about 14 :-(
    P.S Even though your son is setting a bad example with his younger sibling, DO NOT let her use that as an excuse, if you have she WILL follow in his footsteps. Kids are smart remember :-)

    Answer by turtle68 at 9:42 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • I use something called a token economy system. it has been a life saver. there are several different styles of the system. It basically works like this: for each chore completed they receive points more points for the bigger jobs, less for smaller jobs. they are then allowed to purchase privledges with the points earned. Privledges are computer time, time with friends, movies, video games ect. It works for me, also helped stop the endless battling over chores.

    Answer by twistedsprout at 9:55 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Take everything they own (except a few pieces of clothing and their bed) out of their room and lock it in the garage/basement/attic/wherever!

    Tell them they can get things back if they start helping around the house. You do not have to provide your children with anything but food, water, and shelter. Everything else they have is a privledge.

    Also, do not let them use YOUR phone, YOUR TV, or go anywhere until they start helping around the house.

    You do not have to spank to get what you want. Just simply hit them where it hurts. Take away everything that means anything to them (except some clothing, food, water, and shelter)!

    Answer by Strssdmom72 at 10:23 AM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • Take EVERYTHING they enjoy away....Make them earn it back...It works!! Promise!! No matter how long it takes!

    Answer by love_my_boys at 10:06 PM on Jun. 20, 2008

  • What we do at my house is : My 3 kids 6.13.14 My kids have chores to do and if they refuse to do them then we take their fave. thing they like to do away! Bike riding , hang around their friends, go swimming t.v. nintendo game cube etc. they dont do what is expected then they dont do what they like!!

    Answer by heiditr at 3:30 PM on Jun. 23, 2008

  • Step Expectations, consequences, and be prepared to stand your ground. You'd be surprsed how fast they turn around when you take everything away! Good luck......

    Answer by ToldUNo at 1:57 PM on Jun. 29, 2008

  • Play the well if you don't have to then neither do I game....I went on strike.

    Answer by MissyJo68 at 5:46 PM on Jul. 4, 2008

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.