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Are you ok with your kid being selfish?

I am. He's my one and only and we aren't having anymore. He's 2 and when his cousins or something come over to play he has a few toys that he doesn't want to share. So I don't make him. Its not that he's selfish with all of them but just a few. Anyways my SIL gets mad when I don't make him share those certain toys. She complained to my hubby and he told me to make DS share. I don't think he should. What do you think?


Asked by lstrickland at 9:33 PM on Mar. 15, 2009 in Just for Fun

Level 19 (7,042 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • When my children had special toys they didn't want to share then they kept them put away in a hideaway spot so that it wouldn't become a problem when they had a playdate over.
    It isn't selfish unless the toy is out for the playdate to see and then is told no, that they can't play with it.
    Out of sight is the best way to not teach selfishness. Otherwise, if it is out in plain sight then the child has to learn to share.

    Answer by PrydferthMenyw at 7:01 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I think you are going to raise a spoiled brat that will be in for a RUDE awakening when he gets older and goes to preschool/kindergarten and as he grows in life and he doesn't get everything his own way. I do think you are very wrong. No one wants their kids to be around selfish spoiled kids. (And yes, spoiled is what your describing by letting him be selfish.)

    Answer by at 9:35 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • I mean its obviously fine since he doesn't need to share on a daily basis, but I don't know if I'd want my son growing up to be selfish as an adult so yes I think I'd have a problem there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • Oh and I should also add that if there are certain toys that are special to him that he doesn't want anyone else to play with for fear of getting broken or something than that's fine but then he shouldn't bring them out around other kids.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:37 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • I think its ok to have one or two special toys that he doesnt want others to play with. BUT they should be put away when company comes over. He needs to be taught that not sharing hurts other peoples feelings. So putting them away keeps them safe, but doesnt hurt friends feelings. Everything else should be shared.

    YOU are his teacher now mom, and one day he will have to go out into the wild world and make it, he needs you to show him how.

    Answer by mom2twobabes at 9:38 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • I think I read someone else on here would have their child put away a few special toys when they knew company was coming over, and that was it. Whatever WASN'T put away HAD to be shared. I think this is a good approach.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • He should share. It's the kind thing to do.

    Answer by environmentalpa at 9:46 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • If there are CERTAIN toys that he doesn't want to share, I think that's perfectly fine, and you're absolutely right to not force him to share them. Children should obviously learn to share, but they should learn that they don't have to be push overs either! I would suggest putting those certain toys away when playmates are over. Then it's a non-issue.

    Answer by BaisMom at 9:49 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • He should share. He needs to be taught to share. He may be your one and only, but he's NOT the one and only child in the whole world. He needs to learn that at a young age. My advice to you is that if you are going to be selfish, at least put the toys you don't want him to share up when he has cousins or friends over, that way NO ONE can have them at that time. If he can't share them with his friends, then no one can have the at that time. But grow up, makes me wonder who the 2 year old is in this picture.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • After reading the responses a little more, I have to add that I really don't think that he has to share those specific toys if he doesn't want to. But if the OP doesn't want the deal with the drama, then put them away. He should be able to play with his favorite toys even if there are guests.

    This situation makes me think about when, as a woman, I get asked by a friend if they can use my make up. My make up stash is very precious to me, it's something special that I have for myself. I used to feel guilty because I wanted to say "no" but I would say yes because "sharing is caring" and all of that. SCREW THAT. I if there is something that's precious to me and I want to keep in sacred in that way, I shouldn't feel bad for declining someone's request to use my stuff, and neither should the OPs son!

    Answer by BaisMom at 9:53 PM on Mar. 15, 2009