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How do you deal best with the wife of your daughters' dad?

By the time our second daughter was born, my ex was re-married. I have no problem with him marrying someone, however, her own kids are scared of her, and I have found out that she has been committed three times for cutting herself. She is also very immature and has sent me some nasty-grams via MySpace. I don't hate her, but I don't respect her nor do I trust her with my children. She has two kids of her own, from two different guys, and no kids with him. How am I supposed to deal with a woman like this and should I ever let my kids around her? I'm currently limiting visitation to only their father & his mom, and only in a public place.


Asked by SongOfAPeach at 9:34 PM on Mar. 15, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • You will never be able to have any peace about your children with a character like this. i suggest you arrange to have a straight up woman-to woman talk with her. In this conversation you act like a lady- but you tell her exactly how you feel and your concerns about her and your kids. You let her know just how SERIOUS you are that if anything were to ever happen to them while in her presence. She sounds scary, but mostly sounds like she wants some DRAMA and attention. She obviously doesn't know her place and feels threatedned by your children.

    Answer by calatres at 12:56 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I think the girl sounds psychotic, I'd NEVER let her around MY kids. So what if she has kids of her own, that DOESN'T mean that she is a good mom, OR that she knows how to take care of a child. I'd call DFCS on her!

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • I ignore her. She's half the age of x and I and not worth the effort it takes to deal with her or her drama.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:38 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • She cuts herself, she's not hurting her children, or wanting to hurt yours. Read up on cutting and you'll find out that it's not that they're wanting to hurt anyone but themselves and it's required by law that if they go in the emergency room due to hurting themselves on purpose, then they have to be admitted...
    I have more than one person in my life who has this problem and never would I ever hesitate to leave my child with them because I know they'd never let my kids see them do anything like that, and never would they hurt my kids. It's a form of mental pain release when they cut themselves and it's something they do in private. To not let your children be alone with her, I can understand that, you're not friends with her. All I'm saying is, before you judge her too harshly, do the research, talk to your ex and maybe even talk to her about it since she will be a part of your children's life as long as she's in his.

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:50 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • I can't disagree more with the pp. Don't let your kids around this woman. The court will side with you as she is considered mentally unstable- which she is. Even if she doesn't "do it around other people" the kids are bound to see the physical effects.

    I don't buy into the whole psycho-dramatic thing that it's ok to cut. It's not, and your kids should NOT be given the idea that it is.

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:26 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • Talk to her, build a relationship. She is married to your ex and will be in his life. Regardless of her past. Show her respect and perhaps you will be the person to help turn her life around. My sis in law showed a huge amount of respect and love to my brother's ex-wife. It was kind and generous. She made a huge difference in her life. You could be the person to do the same.
    A person who cuts isn't crazy, they just need an avenue to feel relief from pain they are feeling. If she has recovered from that then leave it alone. Talk. Be kind and show some respect.

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 10:45 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • Maybe I should also add the fact that I HAVE tried to be nice to her and that got me nowhere. She thinks that I am jealous of her relationship with my ex, and she tries to psycho-analyze me (she is a psych student). I have sent her messages that weren't in the slightest bit rude to receive something back that if it were to be censored, you wouldn't understand a thing. I don't want a relationship like that with ANYONE, but it seems as if she just doesn't want to like me because I have kids with him.

    Answer by SongOfAPeach at 11:28 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • She is your childs step mom.I am a step mom.sounds like to me that the step mom part is not the problem, it is her crazy behaviour.If you feel the need to talk to her, you should.I would just be civil for your kids sakes.This blended family stuff is hard and it sucks sometimes.

    Answer by evelynwest at 1:21 PM on Mar. 16, 2009