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Would it be a terrible idea to loan BM our copy of "How to talk so Kids will listen?"LONG

SS's BM just confided in me that she was really struggling with parenting her son. He is more my son than hers, she was absent a LOT when he was young and she has a hard time seeing him as a 7 year old and not a 4 year old. In any case, she doesn't really discipline him and she doesn't really interact with him because she doesn't know how. She has visitation and DH has custody, so I actually spend more time with him than she does. She asked me if I could outline his daily schedule and his rules at home so that she could try to be as consistent in that as possible. She asked if she could call when she was having problems with him so that she could some outside input. She is also struggling with a lot of other things right now, so that kind of adds to her anxiety about this whole thing. Would it be inappropriate to loan her our book or to offer to "suspend" her visitation until she gets some things back on track?


Asked by Anonymous at 11:41 PM on Mar. 15, 2009 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • It is great that your SS has both of you on board together for him. Congrats to both of you mommas for being able to parent together even though you don't have a perfect past together. Since she is asking for your input I think offering the book if it helped you with him is a great idea, however if you highlighted or underlined certain parts, maybe consider buying her a copy so that she gets all of the information, not just what you want to easily find again. I agree with another poster, if you suggest suspending visitation, she might take that as you thinking she cannot handle her son and get defensive and stop working with you and DH on this.

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 8:45 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • OP Here

    I don't mean legally or even tell her she can't see him, but maybe something

    "If you think it would help you out with some things, we could hold off on the visitation schedule until you think you may be more confident." Something like that. I really really want her to make things work with SS, they have such a strained relationship and its either something breaks here or the relationship may be broken forever.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:43 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • I've got that book, too! It's really a good book and one I'm sure she would appreciate. Especially if you tell her it has helped you and DH.

    She sounds like she is really trying to make a consistent life for your SS. Good for her! I wouldn't offer to suspend her visitation-let her bring that up if she needs to-if you say it to her, it might just make her feel even more inadequate.

    Your SS is lucky his mom is trying to be a part of his life and not disrupt his life with you and his dad!

    Answer by timelessglass at 11:46 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • OP here

    I hope she is sincere as she has done this before, only to leave again.
    But I am willing to do whatever it takes to get these two to a good place together. So long as she is heartfelt, I will try to move mountains to help this work! Thanks.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • I would definately offer the book. it sounds like she wouldnt be offended since she has already told you that she is struggling. i wish that i could give that book to my step kids BM or even have it myself. lol. it sounds like a good one.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 11:55 PM on Mar. 15, 2009

  • Suspending her visitation isn't going to help. She can only learn through practice and how will she learn what to do if she doesn't have to do anything?

    She's doing an awesome thing by asking for his schedule, and asking how things are usually handled.


    Answer by TiccledBlue at 9:00 AM on Mar. 16, 2009