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Should I have not been upset?

Yesterday at my moms house we all got together for my daughters birthday party. My nephew was there (almost 3 yrs), and my brother told me that he's been taking his clothes off and running around their house. I didn't think anything of it and we were all in the dining room visiting while my girls (4 & 5) and my nephew were watching TV in the living room. My newphews mom went to check on him and saw that he was standing up on the couch naked standing right by my 4 year old showing off his penis by cupping it!! I got really mad, but didn't show it because i knew my brother would hate me. But my 5 year old is a sexual assualt victom. Not only that but i didn't want my kids knowing about just HOW boys and girls are different! especially not to find it out like that.. Should I talk to my daughters about it? ignore it? should I not have been mad?? what do you think about the situation..


Asked by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

This question is closed.
Answers (28)
  • Every parent at some point has something happen to their child that they dwell on. I should have done more, I could have prevented it. Things like that. This is not an instance where you let your girls down. And as far as the assault, its not like you left her alone in a park. She was with family where you figured she would be safe. I don't know anyone that doesn't leave their child with family occasionally because they need a babysitter or because family wants to see them, whatever. You didn't do anything to let your girls down. The fact that you are fighting so hard to protect them is a clear indication of that.

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 1:37 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • You should talk to your daughters about it but getting mad no, upset yes. Kids that age really don't mean any harm and see nothing wrong with it. It's up to us as parents to teach them that it's not OK to do what he did. I would also talk to your brother and let him know your feelings but in a calm matter.


    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Talk to your DD's about it to prevent any embarassment or confusion on their parts. Talk to your brother about it, and sensitively inform him that because of the past history of abuse you want all association between your DD's and nephew supervised until he grows out of this phase, to avoid re-traumatizing your DD.

    Answer by Kimebs at 9:42 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • .. my brother would never understand.. My brothers can be really mean when they feel threatened.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I didn't mean mad at my nephew.. i meant at my brother and his wife for not watching their son, if he son bahaves so badly the should have known they needed to watch him, I didn't know how severe his problem was. I barely knew anything about it, my kids are well behaved, i was watching the way they should have been watched. I feel that I shouldn't have had to watch his kid to make sure he was being good.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:47 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Your brother needs to start teaching his son that his penis is private! No one needs to see it or touch it!

    Answer by mamaada at 9:49 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I would talk to your girls about what they saw and ask them if they had any questions. I talked to my girls because our neighbors son was always going pee in the yard and they saw him. I explained that God mad us different from boys, didn't give a reason yet.
    If you think that you can't talk to your brother, then any time that his son is around I would make sure that the kids were supervised. You don't have to tell your brother why you are hanging out with the kids, but stay with them until he is through this stage. If he starts to take clothes off you can tell him to stop or remove your girls from the room.

    Answer by LovetoTeach247 at 9:55 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I can understand you feeling upset,since your daughter went through what she did,but I would'nt be mad,If the girls asks,then explain the difference,and explain to them,that your nephew is only 3,and he does'nt know any better.I babysit a little boy 3,and we can't keep his clothes on,he will even say "see my pee pee?" and of course I tell him that is not nice,and put his clothes back on him.That's just little boys.I am sorry your daughter went through,what she did,I also did at 5.Good luck to you all,but I would'nt sweat it.

    Answer by Val504 at 9:55 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I think you should be upset with your brother, to a point. My kids always had a thing for running around in their undies, and I would never think they would do it at someone else's home, and they wouldn't. B/c I have taught them that it's inappropriate. I made them understand it was fine at home, but not anywhere else, and clearly your brother and his wife failed to do that. I agree with the suggestion that all contact between your girls and his son be supervised from now on, and if you think your brother will get upset, then just do it yourself. If he says anything, then just tell him you knew he would get mad and not be helpful, so you're just doing it yourself. And I think you should talk to your daughters, see how they feel about what happened, explain why it was wrong and that it won't happen again. See if they have any questions. I hope both girls will be fine. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:59 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I would just talk to your girls about the differences between boy and girl parts, my daughter knew the difference at that age, but she has an older brother. As far as your nephews parents, I am not sure what you should do. But as far as "show and tell" goes for kids that age, it is common. At this age those parts are ONLY to pee out of, they dont have the concept of anything else really. Just talk to you daughters

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:06 AM on Mar. 16, 2009