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My SO cheated...

My SO cheated on me recently and I am trying to forgive him but I don't know if I can. I love him so much and when he's gone it kills me, but I cannot get the image of him with her out of my head. He says he's done talking to her, but how can I be sure? I don't know what to do.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:05 AM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Any real man would not cheat. My fiance cheated on me when we first got together and I still think about it sometimes. I have grown to trust him again but the thought is still there. I don't know what to tell you. If you know in your heart he won't do it again (like I felt) then good start healing (slowly) but if you cant trust him over some time then it is not worth the feelings you will go thru.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:08 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • You can never be for sure about anything, but ask yourself is it worth all this confusion and hurt your going through and will you ever be able to get over that image of him with her..... Alot times when a so cheats the realtionship dosent last much longer after that, but there are the rare few.... Like it said is it worth it and will you be able to really move on from it.....

    Answer by soonmommyof3 at 10:08 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • More than not ,once they cheat,and have no consequences,they will do it again,Talk to him,and see what made him want to cheat.I hope you guys can work it out,because if you are on CM you are either a mom or mom to be.Good Luck.

    Answer by Val504 at 10:09 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I personally believe you need to take a step back and look into the future. Do you think you can ever really move on from this and trust him? Are you always going to be wondering in the back of your head if he is really at work? I am not a trusting person to begin with and I am not very forgiving either. I wouldn't be able to move on from it no matter how much I loved the person. You can't love someone who doesn't love you back. If he was cheating, he doesn't really love you the way you deserve to be loved. We can't really tell you what to do, that's between you two. But you really need to figure out if you can trust him again. You can't babysit him his entire life to be sure he isn't cheating. Sounds like you are already doubting it because you asked how you can be sure he isn't still talking to her. If you want to make it work, try couples counseling.

    Answer by DDry at 10:10 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • If you really do want to save the relationship, the only thing I can recommend is councelling but it may be too soon right now, everything is still fresh and all of your emotions haven't been addressed yet. I'd ask him if he'd go with you tho, and if you can't afford therapy, I'd get all of the self help I could, library has lots of books, etc, online has massive information on self help.
    Good Luck to you both, but you need to realize that even tho some people are just cheaters and it doesn't matter who they're with, cheating is usually because something is lacking in a relationship so you'll both need to work hard on finding out what's going to work for both of you to be happy (and no, I'm not saying it's your fault, he made the choice to do what he did instead of talking to you about the problem).

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 10:11 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I'm sorry. My husband cheated too on me too. It's been some time now I can't forigive him to excuse his behavior but I now have a relationship with him around that stuff. He's brought up since then why don't I trust him and I tell him why he made himself less trustworthy to me. It has put a huge space between us that will never go away. I made a huge mistake and did not get counselling with him, that failure to do counselling has kept us from getting even better. I urge you and your SO to get counselling, and for you to go without him for help on how to stay strong through and after this You don't deserve to live through this again like it happened to me again.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I know I sound insensitive but don't mean to....he's an SO NOT a husband who took vows to forsake all others. Until he commits to you he's not seeing it as cheating. He sees himself as a single man who can do as he wants.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:19 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • the best way to handle it is to take look at yourself and ask yourself can i deal with this or can i get over this.. its hard to move on my ex husband cheated on my while we were married and while i was pregnant i left after my daughter turned a 1 year old now she is 4 but it still hurts and he is still with her so life takes us down roads that we have to learn from some realtionships can be save and some cant its up to you because you are the one hurting .. Ask yourself do i want to deal with the untrust, hurt, worrying, crying, the wondering if he is , or just take him back.... The ultimate decision is yours.... good luck and i will keep you and your household up in prayer

    Answer by sasa314 at 10:46 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • He is the one who should be an open book. He should be trying his best to make you trust him again. If he wants you to not leave. He should be kissing your A**.

    Answer by louise2 at 10:51 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I would go to counceling first and try to get the trust back in my relationship, but I would make sure he knows that HE is the reason I will never FULLY trust him again. If I can't get past it, I would move on and keep a healthy communication relationship with him for the sake of our kids.
    I don't deserve the mental and emotional torture that cheating victims go through.

    Answer by LadyChamp at 11:41 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

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