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Anyone else dealing with verbal abuse?

Its the same old pathetic story. My husband is fabulous in every way possible until he turns into a verbally abuse monster when we fight. It's my own fault for staying with him through all his vows to change, I'm an idiot, I get it, but now here I am with 2 kids and a home and a life we share. I can't just leave. Anyone else in my spot? Any advice?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:13 AM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I am in the same situation. Every person will say oh you need to get out right now, leave his ass, I wouldn't ever let no man treat me that way... etc. But the truth be told, if they weren't ever in a situation like this, then how can they tell us to leave so eagerly? It is much easier said than done! I have left many times on different occasions. But I am always longing to be with him. I love my husband, just not the way he treats me from time to time. I'm not the best with words though myself when we argue. So it can't all be to blame on my husband. I know that I am in the wrong as well! I can't really give you advice, I truly wish I could. But I can't, I live with this all the time, even though I know that it is wrong, I love my husband dearly.. and I can't live without him!

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I'm sorry, but no matter what the situation, I wouldnt' be in that spot, I would find a way to get out. It's not good for the kids in any way shape or form. Best of luck hun, I hope you find an answer soon
    Zakysmommy

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 11:15 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I felt that way too until he took it too far and started in on my oldest son, not his bioson... And then when I would defend my son he started to get physical so then I went to a lawyer filed for divorce, and an exparte and called him at work, told him he wasn't to return to the home.... It was the best thing I ever did, for me and my boys... It was like a weight was lifted and my kids are so happy now... It was taking a toll on all of us. I refuse to live my life walking on eggshells... GL to you, remember you do deserve to be Happy!
    4x4mum

    Answer by 4x4mum at 11:18 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Everyone says mean and hurtful things when they argue...make it a piont to tell him you don't like it! Espescially around the kids. This worked for me and mine. We don't argue much, but when we do we don't name call.
    mamaada

    Answer by mamaada at 11:18 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • All I know is my ex took me to the edge, I was scared for myself and my son. When you go night after night not sleeping because he won't let you and he tells you that he has a gun that will solve all of his problems and that you are sh** and will never amount to anything and you have 3 kids to care for everyday and try to keep some kind of sanity it gets very hard... I tried to keep the kids from hearing any of it and then the dam broke, I wanted to get out of the house and he wouldn't let us leave, I felt like a prisoner in my own home... How can you love someone that has no respect for you, wants to control your every move and wants to hurt you verbally and physically?
    My Hubby now say's he conditioned me to the point that I'm so defensive and scared all the time, he said he hates him for hurting me and will do all he can to help build me back up, there is true happiness out there, I have found it in the life I have now.
    4x4mum

    Answer by 4x4mum at 11:29 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Tell him to leave. If he can't respect you there are plenty of men out there who are willing. Why don't you believe you can do better?
    LadyChamp

    Answer by LadyChamp at 11:42 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I guess you should get counseling together. I think the definition of verbal abuse is widely abused by some women though. My DH and his ex used to fight all the time. They were both wrong. She would stay out until past 2am and not bother to call and let him know that she wasn't dead in a ditch somewhere, she would dance with other men at bars and be out with her male friends really late. He would call her a whore or a cunt or other nasty names. Was it really any worse that what she was doing? I don't think so. When you act like a whore you deserve to be called one. But to her it was verbal abuse, and he was the abuser and she was the innocent victim. Are you doing something that is causing him to call you names? Are you showing him no respect or your marriage no respect? These are things you can only work out if you are both honest and willing to go to counseling.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • What is it that you fight about? If that's the only time he is "verbally abusive," then I think there is something else going on in your relationship that frustrates him to no end. Are you saying degrading things to him that to him would be considered abusive? It can cut both ways. It is always easier to see the faults of the spouse rather than our own shortcomings. Think about what you and he fight about, and you will find a big clue to stopping the "abuse."
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:53 AM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • You don't have to leave if you don't want. Perhaps the good parts about him outweigh the bad. Personally, when I'm being verbally abused I walk away (non verbally saying "I'm not accepting this from you".) It allows them to see that you find it unacceptable. If on the phone then hang up. Keep rejecting the verbal abuse until he stops doing it. Tell him you will listen to any valid complaints he has but without the abuse. It's a type of behavior modification. He's probably done it for so long that it's habit by now and you've taken it. Stop taking it and help him change his habit. It can be done. It takes time but it can be fixed.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:15 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I went through that for years and it never changes; I hit rock bottom when my daughter was big enough to get scare and used to hide under the kitchen's table. I don't want her to grow up thinking is ok to be abused; so forth, we as mothers should lead by example.
    TabisM

    Answer by TabisM at 12:22 PM on Mar. 16, 2009