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Why... do people..

GENERALLY assume that just because they are having problems with their spouse that they are having "marital problems?"

I see so many questions, irrelevant to marriage and their vows that say, "How can I ______ before my marriage is ruined?"

Answer Question

Asked by matobe at 1:16 PM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Relationships

Level 21 (10,174 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Just because something doesn't seem big to you doesn't mean its not huge to another couple. This really doesn't make sense to ME. I guess I don't really know what your going off of. But if anything that is a problem for one person if its causing stress and problems in their marriage then it is a martial problem.

    Answer by at 1:18 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I guess I just don't feel like because you're having problems with your spouse that you should automatically pin it on the marriage and not on the person?

    Answer by matobe at 1:19 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I don't understand what you're saying. But answer me this, what would you call a problem between two people who are married?

    Answer by SugaB28 at 1:19 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • But "pinning" it on the marriage doesn't mean it's the marriage that's causing the problems. It just means that because we're in a marriage, it's a marital problem. When discussing issues of a relationship, the STATUS of the relationship you're in is important.

    Answer by SugaB28 at 1:22 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • a problem between two married people.

    Say I'm complaining that DH leaves his dirty underwear skidmark up on the floor every night he gets in to shower.

    I consider this a problem with DH, not my marriage.. and that DH should be addressed, not that my marriage should be questioned because this simple thing aggrivates me...

    Answer by matobe at 1:22 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Problems like what you described IS a problem with the person, but it can quickly turn into problems with the marriage if the person involved isn't willing to work on the problem. Communication is key, and younger people are still learning that lesson.

    Answer by rhope4 at 1:26 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • It's simple as underwear, and isn't that included in "for better, for worse"


    Even if you didn't see it coming ahead of time?

    I can see serious things like abuse and neglect and infidelity... but cooking in the middle of the night and leaving the mess?

    C'mon, just SAY something, or smile and clean it up. He'll get the picture... doesn't mean you have to be MAD or question divorce...

    (not referring to that particular question, but similar situations)

    Answer by matobe at 1:29 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • People know that it's for better or for worse, but they go in to marriage only expecting or hoping for the "better."
    Then, when the things he does that bug the hell out of you come smacking you in the face, you don't tolerate them. It's the "controlling" side of women. So you begin to nag and argue until you're blue in the face, yet he still does those things you refuse to accept. So, since you refuse to be tolerable to little things he does, it builds up your anger and stress because.....he still does them and you refuse to accept them...This fuels your anger and anger results in to spontaneous outbursts, fighting, dwelling on the "issues" too much and not focusing on the good things..Before you know it, this little problem has turned in to a big problem for you.
    In conclusion (lol) It's all about how we react to the petty, little things out DH's do, and the situation could have been approached SO much better.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:04 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

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