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To moms with step children that live with you all the time, how does it work out?

My DF has recently decided that he wants to get full custody of his two other sons, and while I support him fully on this, I am a little bit worried about how its going to work out, and what my role would be and how I should treat them if they were to end up living with us full time, my DF and I have our own son who is seven months old and I have other child from a previous relationship also however she stays with my mom right now. I guess I am more nervious about how things would go because well I am not their mom so how can I tell them if they are doing something they are not supposed to? Or how do I treat them in general right now its pretty easy when they come over to visit, I just treat them like they were my own kids, should I continue doing that if they actually live with us full time? And pleasae be honest because I really would like to know how its worked out for all of you

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • When my step son is here, he is my son. He is with us most of the time. Something like 80% of the time I think according to the divorce decree. Act as though these children are very welcome and treat them as you would your own. Its exactly what you have been doing apparently. They need some consistency and they need to know that you and their dad are one the same page. If you two can come up with some rules before the boys come and live with you, everything should work out. If you have any questions, feel free to PM me.
    Mom1Stepmom1

    Answer by Mom1Stepmom1 at 4:18 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • i dont have any step kids but i am one. my step mom is my BEST friend. she treated me just she treated my half sister. she loves me and i am "one of her own". it was rocky for a little while. we had rules to follow (i lived her my stepmom and dad), and chores to do. sorry its not a lot of advice but maybe it will help you
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 4:15 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • oh can anyone let me know, too? I too are wondering about how to deal with this top because my dh wants to have custody of his son who he had when he was a teenager.
    All I can tell you is that it is going to be very hard to deal wit them 24/7.The reason why i am saying it is because i dont feel comfortable telling my step son what to do or feel comfortable asking him to do house chores because he isnt mine. I let dh deal with ss makes it easier on me so i dont have to be viewed as the "evil" stepmom. Besides, we wouldnt want the bm to think that we are trying to be the stepkids mothers. Hell no!!! GOOD LUCK! You have a long rd a head of you!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Honestly, I think a family discussion with the kids is probably your best bet. You and your DF will be the adults in the house...your rules (but that doesn't mean that the kids can't have a say in the discussion of the house rules and setting some themselves. DF will need to back you up just as if you were the kids mom.

    The kids may feel awkward too and discussing the change in family openly is the best way to handle any questions or doubts for everyone. If you can all agree on the way the household will be run and how they should treat you and anyone else in the house, then if boundaries are crossed later then you have something to fall back on. Plus, it will automatically make them feel like they are indeed part of a family and that might do a lot for you right there.

    If you already have a good relationship with them, I don't see problems occuring!
    Nika75

    Answer by Nika75 at 4:29 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Okay ladies, here's to answer your question from a CHILD of divorced parents and how it works easiest for us in that situation. I've had step-parents, both mom and dad since I was 5. Make sure the kids don't feel pressured to call you mom or anythinbg as it will create animosity towards to, and they might feel like you're trying to "replace" their mom. Keep things light, but let them know they can't cross lines with you. Boundries are key. Make sure they also KNOW that you,dad and mom are going to be talking so there's no playing on the fence.. so to speak. If mom grounds son for doing something stupid or bad grades, then he's grounded at your house too. I mean I know some rules aren't going to be the same, but while they're young they're going to have to be similar so they understand they can't fool around with you.
    Just keeping things light at first, like establishing a family schedule and rules when the kids first move in
    DesignerMom0801

    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 5:42 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • CONT - IS very important. There might be some fighting of course but that's with all families. Be prepared for them to not warm up to you right away.. keep a slight distance and let them be. Ask them how school was, ask them what they like for supper, what they like to do..etc. They'll come around, just give it time.
    It's ahard transition but if you're willing to really work hard at it, you guys shouyld be a happy, blended family in no time. Also be sure to spend individual time with each child so they can create a personal bond with you.
    DesignerMom0801

    Answer by DesignerMom0801 at 5:45 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • don't change. If you do they will notice the change and think you don't want them there
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:12 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

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