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My SS just turned 9. His BM dropped him off with DH & I a couple of months ago and said that she was moving and he needed to stay with us. There has been limited contact with her since that time.

SS was always very quiet before this, but now it has gotten to the point where you literally have to beg him to talk about anything. He'll talk to DH more than me; I feel like he is angry with his BM and he's projecting that onto me. Does that sound insane? Does anyone know what I can do to stop this? It really hurts to consistently be shut out.

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Asked by mrsbrown1 at 4:41 PM on Mar. 16, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 3 (14 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • As corney as this sounds just be there, don't force it, but make it known you are there for him. Ask how his day was and don't push for an answer, that goes for most questions were an answer isn't "needed". GIve him space, he talks to his dad cause he is the one constant in his life, has been and will be.

    He probably is projecting some of his issues with his mom on you, look at it from his perspective, his mom drops him off and leaves him, the one woman in his life that should have always been there, BUT what is the new woman in his life going to do? A woman who didn't give birth to him. KWIM? It isn't personal, But your SS has a lot going on in his little life, be patient in time he will come around.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 7:41 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • I am assuming he's hurt and feels abandoned by his mom and resents you being there instead of his mom. It's nothing personal. He has to work through these issues. As long as he opens up to dad he should be ok. Just go on your daily routine and smile. He's just hurting. He doesn't want to open up to you as he'd feel he was betraying mom. It will all work out.

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:13 PM on Mar. 16, 2009

  • Just be there for him. I might even talk to DH about the possibility of having him talk to the school counselor though. Not so much because he shutting you out, but because he was pretty much abandoned by mom and he is obviously having some trouble with this. I know its hard, but do whatever you can to be there for him without pushing it. Eventually he will really appreciate that have been there and are still there even when he was shutting you out.

    Answer by aly38914290 at 12:28 AM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • Poor kid. He has to be feeling very insecure and sad. Have you and his dad talked about taking him for counseling?

    Answer by KTMOM at 10:14 AM on Mar. 17, 2009

  • Poor kid, his mom abandons him. It may be with his father but that still makes a kid feel unwanted. Just be there for him and let him know that he is wanted and loved. Talking to a counselor may be a help to him. I would also file for sole custody, she dropped him off and hasn't contacted him in months, not a good parent.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 5:42 PM on Mar. 17, 2009

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